Police Commissioner Andrew Coster speaks to media on day 11 of the anti-mandate protests. Photo / George Heard
OPINION:
Steve Braunias helpfully translates a New Zealand Police press release dealing with the trouble in Wellington.
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says negotiation and de-escalation are the only safe, and therefore most desirable, way to resolve the Wellington protest.
Translation: Doing as little as possible might work.
"Police's current assessment of the situation is that any enforcement action by Police runs a serious risk of much wider harm than the protest is presently creating."
Translation: We'd like to smash their faces in but that might backfire.
"We continue to carefully navigate our options to reopen the roads, but the most desirable way to end this safely, is to encourage open communication channels."
Translation: We have no choice but to bend over and take a jolly good rogering.
"Yesterday's statement from the Speaker of the House has provided a window of opportunity for protesters who wish to have their views heard by Parliament, to clear the roads and restrict the protest to Parliament grounds."
Translation: At least that supercilious prick Mallard has knocked off that crap with the sprinklers.
"Police has had constructive engagement with some key protest leaders following the release of the statement and our focus is to deepen those discussions."
Translation: One of their wackos has said they'll think about getting back to us.
"In the current circumstances, enforcement action taken by Police runs the real risk of injury to the public, escalation in numbers of people, and a transition away from a largely peaceful protest to violence."
Translation: We'd like to smash their faces in but that might backfire.
"In our assessment, the only safe option at the present point in time is a continued focus on de-escalation."
Translation: We have absolutely no idea how to handle this.
"As the protest at Parliament enters its 11th day, Police continues to make progress in engaging with key protest groups."
Translation: We've gotten nowhere.
"While there were no incidents of note overnight, Police remain concerned at the road blockages caused by protest vehicles, and the inability of emergency services to access through roads."
Translation: Let's not look at the forest. Let's look at some trees.
"The number of people, structures and vehicles has continued to grow over the past 24 hours. Police also anticipate a significant number of people joining the protest over the weekend."
Translation: We're f**ked.
"We recognise the ongoing impact from the protest, particularly on residents and users in the surrounding area."
Translation: It's a fiasco.
"Police has increased its patrols and will maintain a highly visible, reassurance presence."
Translation: We will stand around in great numbers, doing nothing.
"Today we will be putting in place a traffic management plan to control vehicle numbers to ensure that fire and ambulance vehicles are able to access the protest site."
Translation: One of their wackos had a fit or something, and the ambulance couldn't get through.
"The option to move vehicles to Sky Stadium remains open and we encourage people to make greater use of this so that those who live and work in the area can go about their lawful business unimpeded by the protest activity."
Translation: This is a lousy idea that no one wants a bar of and doesn't make a lick of difference but whatever, just thought I'd mention it.
"Police will continue to focus on keeping the peace, maintaining safety and engaging with the protesters over the coming weekend."
Translation: We are completely and utterly powerless.
"I want to again acknowledge our staff, many of whom have been deployed at short notice, for what has been a challenging assignment."
Translation: That arrest of the naked protester was quite exciting!
"They have conducted themselves in an incredibly professional and reassuring manner."
Translation: We'd really, really like to smash their faces in but that's not how I do things around here.
Listen. There's no playbook for this. We're on a hiding to nothing. But there's one bright spot on the horizon. If you think I look bad, what about the press conferences given by Wellington District Commander Superintendent Corrie Parnell! Poor guy! Hopeless! Anyway. At the end of the day, it could be worse. They're not rioting, or looting, or smashing letterboxes. It's okay. The protest will end. One of these days.
A senior leader tells staff he doesn't feel 'in the least bit Christmassy'.