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Home / New Zealand

OPINION: Pink or blue - let's not pigeonhole kids

By Erin Kavanagh-Hall
Wairarapa Midweek·
13 Oct, 2015 02:25 AM3 mins to read

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This month's internet sensation is three-year-old Caiden Henson -- the adorable cherub who wanted to dress up as Queen Elsa for Hallowe'en.

Dad bought Caiden the blue sparkly dress, and shared a photo of him striking a pose in said dress on Facebook.

Some people freaked out: calling his father "abusive", predicting he'll grow up and be "confused", and blaming cross-dressing on "young men shooting up schools".

Said one commenter, "that kid will get slaughtered if he doesn't learn the rules".

Let's take a look at those rules.

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When it comes to kids, the old rhyme says it all: boys are made of "snips and snails, and puppy dogs' tails", and girls of "sugar and spice, and all things nice".

As our youth columnist Aroha Witinitara pointed out, we are obsessed with categorising our kids, colour-coding them from birth.

Visit a toy store, and the division is obvious: baby dolls, pretty princesses, kitchen sets, and glittery tiaras on one side; and cars, diggers, dinosaurs and brawny action figures on another.

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Dress-up choices are the same -- girls are fairies and mermaids, boys are mostly superheroes, occasionally cowboys and policemen. Boys' picture books, wrote author Joanne Harris, are full of of "rocket ships and pirates", and girls' of "flowers and cupcakes".

And so, we are boxing our kids into gender stereotypes from a young age -- males are active, adventurous and practical; females are gentle, quiet and passive.

There have been some changes in this area. A group of UK parents started the Let Toys Be Toys campaign, encouraging retailers to stop promoting toys by gender.

Some toy makers have begun producing wider ranges, including building-based toys for girls, and a series of dolls for boys.

In New Zealand early childhood education, children are encouraged to play with all toys available, in order to build their imaginations.

Yet, there is still pushback. Friends have described their little boy receiving funny looks from other parents for dressing up in a tutu, and being told, as childcare workers, "don't let my son near the girls' dress-ups". Politicians have called the idea of dolls for boys "perverted". And, of course, people online associate a boy in a dress with gun violence.

Personally, I fail to see what is so terrible about kids stepping outside gender barriers. Is a girl who builds forts not intelligent and innovative? Is a boy who carries a doll not nurturing and protective?

At the heart of it, when it comes to boys, we're telling them anything feminine is weakening, disempowering and degrading. And that's wrong.

If we can invite kids into the world of magical ice powers and talking snow people, then surely we can expand our minds to a world where boys enjoy dressing as princesses?

To Caiden, rock on. You look fabulous.

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