OPINION: Language entrenches our gender bias

LIKE A GIRL?: Even with so many successful female athletes, to tell a man he runs, throws, or plays "like a girl" is the ultimate insult.

Recently, I've had to confront two good male friends for using sexist language.

One posted a Facebook meme with the photo of a manual gear stick, with the words "Ladies, if your boyfriend can't drive one of these, you've got a girlfriend".

The other said he didn't like a popular movie because of its "girlie" storyline.

The implications: women don't have the gumption required to operate a column shift, and "girlie" movies are schmaltzy and saccharine, and therefore "bad".

Thankfully, both friends seemed receptive to what I had to say. But in our wider society, to be feminine is, for many, the ultimate shame.

As US feminist author Julia Serano puts it, masculinity is still seen as "tough while femininity is fragile, rational while femininity is irrational, and serious while femininity is frivolous."

Femininity is often used as an insult. How many times have we heard male teammates accuse each other of "throwing like a girl", or "tripping over their handbag" after playing poorly on the field? Or of whining like a b****? Or of being a "girlie swot" or "girl's blouse" for preferring less energetic pursuits? Or of being a slang term for female genitalia for showing "weakness"?

All are rooted in gender stereotypes. Women lack sporting ability. Women are quiet, gentle, inactive, whereas men are adventurers. Women complain, whereas men are stoic. Women are the damsels in the distress, who wait for the man to slay the dragon.

To use such gendered insults perpetuates a culture of hostility towards women, and reinforces the belief that masculinity is superior.

Some blame these attitudes on a fear that masculinity, and the powers and privileges which accompany it, is under threat. Blogger Lucian Clark wrote of the time he wore purple nailpolish to work -- and co-workers went to great lengths to avoid him.

"How can femininity be seen as weak when masculinity is defeated by a dude with painted fingernails?" he mused.

Either way, these attitudes are damaging for both genders. By appropriating femininity as slander, girls grow up learning they are second-rate. They are discouraged from joining boys on the sports field, or pursuing a career in the "rational" fields of mathematics and science. Their assertiveness is labelled as "whiney" or "bratty".

Boys are denigrated for their interest in traditionally female activities -- like Gus Syben, from last week's Midweek, who was bullied for his love of dance.

And we all know what happens when young men are told not to "be a sissy" and show their emotions.

I understand these ideas are entrenched, and people use gendered insults without thinking, or intending malice. But, if we want to achieve equality, we need to stop using femininity as synonymous with the lesser.

The power of life and death are in the tongue. So, it's time we start changing our language up a bit.