It’s not the worst joke.
But someone needs to program Google’s Bard to know that explaining is losing when you tell a joke about the All Blacks - and then say why it’s funny.
Turning back the tide might be an easier task, with artificial intelligence (AI) now as omnipresent as Santa Claus at Christmas - a technological revolution that has almost overnight tripped up organisations from schools to workplaces, most recently the National Party when they were caught this month using AI-generated art in political attack ads.
The California-based tech giant’s newly-released chatbot, and its earlier-launched rival in the fast-evolving artificial intelligence space, Microsoft-backed OpenAI’s ChatGPT, are all about explaining.
Both are trained to generate responses to questions based on written data from the internet, such as Wikipedia, to predict the likely next word in a sentence.
But, as the Weekend Herald discovered when we fired more than a dozen questions at the rival chatbots, there are differences in how they respond to questions.
The free version of ChatGPT (which we used) has limited knowledge of events since 2021 and is not connected to the internet.
Bard, meanwhile, is trained specifically to produce natural-sounding dialogue, delivering a more readable response when explaining a joke, imagining a conversation between Meka Whaitiri and Chris Hipkins or - as seen below - writing a problematic poem about Auckland Mayor Wayne Brown.
Kia ora! Kei te pēhea koe? (Hello! How are you?)
CHATGPT
Kia ora! Kei te pai ahau, ngā mihi nui ki a koe. (Hello, I’m fine, thank you very much.)
BARD
As an LLM, I am trained to understand and respond only to a subset of languages at this time and can’t provide assistance with that. For a current list of supported languages, please refer to the Bard Help Centre.
Ok, priorities. How should the All Blacks use Beauden Barrett at the Rugby World Cup?
CHATGPT
The All Blacks should utilise Beauden Barrett’s exceptional versatility to maximise his impact at the Rugby World Cup 2023. Deploy him strategically based on the team’s needs, either as a fly-half to dictate play, a fullback for his counter-attacking abilities, or even in the midfield to exploit his speed and distribution skills. Adapting his position based on opposition and game situations will provide the All Blacks with a dynamic playmaker capable of creating opportunities and influencing the outcome of matches.
BARD
The All Blacks should use Beauden Barrett as a playmaker, a leader, and a game-changer at the Rugby World Cup 2023. He is one of the best players in the world, and he has the experience and skills to help the All Blacks win the tournament.
That settled, how about a little culture? Write me a poem about Wayne Brown in the style of Shakespeare.
CHATGPT
Oh Wayne Brown, the mayor of noble reign,
Auckland’s heart, he holds with utmost care.
With wisdom’s grace, he guides through joy and pain,
A leader true, whose virtues all declare.
In Auckland’s tale, Wayne’s legacy shall shine fair.
BARD
There once was a mayor called Brown,
He thought he could run Auckland town.
But he soon got a fright,
When the people took flight,
And left him with nothing but frowns.
Let’s talk money - will I get rich buying a house in New Zealand?
CHATGPT
The potential for getting rich by buying a house in New Zealand depends on numerous factors, including the local real estate market, property value appreciation, rental income potential, and individual investment strategies, so it is not guaranteed, and careful research and consideration are necessary.
BARD
There is no guarantee that you will get rich buying a house in New Zealand. The housing market is volatile and can go up and down. In recent years, the New Zealand housing market has been on a bull run, with prices rising sharply. However, there are signs the market is starting to cool, and it is possible that prices could fall in the future... if you are comfortable with the risks involved and you believe that buying a house in New Zealand is the right decision for you, then go for it. However, don’t expect to get rich overnight. It takes time and effort to build wealth through real estate investing.
Roger that. How about a joke? Tell me one New Zealanders will find funny.
CHATGPT
Why did the kiwi bird bring a ladder to the rugby match?
Because it heard the stakes were high and wanted to reach the top!
BARD
Why did the All Blacks cross the road?
To get to the other try line!
This joke is funny because it is a play on words. The All Blacks are the national rugby team of New Zealand, and they are known for their ability to score tries. The joke is that the All Blacks would cross the road just to score a try, even if there was no other reason to do so.
Ok, back on the tightrope for you. What is a woman?
CHATGPT
A woman is an adult human female. In terms of biological sex, women typically have reproductive anatomy. However, it’s important to note that the concept of gender extends beyond biological sex and can encompass a range of identities and experiences that individuals may identify with, including gender identity, gender expression, and cultural or social factors. The understanding of gender is diverse and can vary across different cultures, societies, and individual perspectives.
BARD
The definition of a woman is a complex and evolving one. Traditionally, a woman has been defined as an adult female human being. However, in recent years, there has been a growing recognition that gender identity is not always aligned with biological sex. As a result, some people now define a woman as someone who identifies as a woman, regardless of their biological sex.
There are many different ways to identify as a woman. Some women may identify with their biological sex, while others may not. Some women may identify with traditional feminine gender roles, while others may not. There is no one right way to be a woman.
The most important thing is that people are allowed to define their own gender identity. Everyone should be respected for who they are, regardless of their gender identity.
Another needle for you to thread... should apple crumble have rolled oats in its topping?
CHATGPT
The inclusion of rolled oats in the topping of apple crumble is a matter of personal preference. Some traditional recipes do use rolled oats to add texture and flavour, while others may omit them. Ultimately, it depends on the desired taste and texture you prefer for your apple crumble.
BARD
Whether or not apple crumble should have rolled oats in its topping is a matter of personal preference. Some people prefer the added texture and flavour that rolled oats provide, while others prefer a more traditional crumble topping made with breadcrumbs or flour.
If you are making apple crumble with rolled oats, there are a few things to keep in mind. First, make sure to use old-fashioned oats, not quick-cooking oats. Old-fashioned oats will hold their shape better and give the crumble a more satisfying crunch. Second, don’t overmix the oats with the other ingredients. You want the crumble to be crumbly, not doughy. (Bard also, helpfully, includes a recipe.)
In other things British... will Harry and Meghan’s marriage last?
CHATGPT
As an AI language model, I don’t have access to personal or private information about individuals, including the specific circumstances of Harry and Meghan’s marriage. It is not possible for me to predict the future or the outcome of their marriage. Like any marriage, the success and longevity of their relationship depend on various factors, including their communication, commitment, and ability to navigate the challenges that come with married life. It’s important to respect their privacy and allow them to determine the course of their relationship.
BARD
Only time will tell if Harry and Meghan’s marriage will last. They have faced a number of challenges in their relationship, including intense media scrutiny, racism, and family drama. However, they have also shown a strong commitment to each other and their family... it is clear that Harry and Meghan are ambitious and independent people. They are also passionate about making a difference in the world. These qualities could help them to overcome the challenges they face and build a strong and lasting marriage.
However, there are also some potential red flags in their relationship. For example, Harry has a history of substance abuse and Meghan has spoken about her struggles with mental health. These issues could make it difficult for them to cope with the stress of being in the public eye.
Moving on to another copper top... are people more likely to vote for Chris Hipkins because he’s a ginga?
CHATGPT
Voting preferences are influenced by a variety of factors, including a candidate’s policies, experience, leadership qualities, and alignment with the voter’s values and priorities. Physical appearance, such as hair colour, is generally not considered a significant determinant of voting decisions. While some individuals may have personal preferences or biases, it is important to focus on a candidate’s qualifications and their ability to address the issues that matter to voters when making an informed decision.
BARD
There is no evidence to suggest that people are more likely to vote for Chris Hipkins because he is a redhead. In fact, there is no evidence to suggest that people’s hair colour has any impact on their voting preferences.
Some people may believe that redheads are more attractive or charismatic, but there is no scientific evidence to support this claim. In fact, a study published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that people with red hair were actually perceived as being less attractive than people with other hair colours.
It is possible that some people may be more likely to vote for a redhead because they feel a sense of kinship or solidarity with them. However, this is likely to be a very small effect, and it is certainly not enough to sway an election.
Righto. What about names then - should I use Aotearoa or New Zealand?
CHATGPT
The choice between using “Aotearoa” or “New Zealand” depends on personal preference and context. “Aotearoa” is the Māori name for New Zealand and carries cultural significance, reflecting the indigenous heritage of the country. “New Zealand” is the commonly used English name. It is respectful to acknowledge and honour the Māori language and culture by incorporating “Aotearoa” where appropriate while recognising that both terms are used interchangeably in different contexts.
BARD
You can use either Aotearoa or New Zealand. Aotearoa is the Māori name for New Zealand, and it is becoming increasingly popular to use it in both formal and informal settings. Using Aotearoa can be a way of showing respect for the Māori people and their culture. However, it is important to be aware that not everyone in New Zealand is Māori, and some people may prefer to use the name New Zealand. Ultimately, the decision of which name to use is up to you.
Heavy. Let’s talk Shorty - is Dr Hone Ropata in Guatemala?
CHATGPT
No, Dr Hone Ropata is not in Guatemala. Dr Hone Ropata is a fictional character from the New Zealand television series Shortland Street. The character’s storyline is confined to the context of the show and does not involve real-world locations such as Guatemala.
BARD
No, Dr Hone Ropata is not in Guatemala. He is a fictional character in the New Zealand soap opera Shortland Street... in the show, Dr Ropata is a Māori doctor who came to New Zealand from Guatemala. He is a skilled doctor and a kind and compassionate man. He is also a bit of a maverick and doesn’t always follow the rules.
The line “You’re not in Guatemala now, Dr Ropata” is a famous line from the show. It was said by Carrie Burton, a nurse at Shortland Street, when she was frustrated with Dr Ropata’s unorthodox methods. The line has become a catchphrase in New Zealand and is often used to express exasperation or disbelief.
Speaking of lands afar... which country is better to live in - New Zealand or Australia?
CHATGPT
Determining which country is better to live in, New Zealand or Australia, is subjective and depends on individual preferences, priorities, and circumstances. New Zealand offers a unique and pristine natural environment, a sense of community, and a more relaxed pace of life. Australia provides a larger job market, diverse cultural experiences, and a wide range of lifestyle options. Ultimately, the better country to live in depends on factors such as career opportunities, lifestyle preferences, climate, cost of living, and personal connections.
BARD
New Zealand and Australia are both great countries to live in, but they offer different experiences. New Zealand is smaller and more rural, while Australia is larger and more urban. New Zealand has a more relaxed pace of life, while Australia is more fast-paced. Ultimately, the best country to live in depends on your individual preferences.
And, continuing the “oceans apart” theme... imagine a conversation between Meka Whaitiri and Chris Hipkins.
CHATGPT
Meka Whaitiri: Chris, I want to address the pressing issues facing our education system, particularly the need for increased funding in disadvantaged communities.
Chris Hipkins: I understand the importance of equitable education and agree that we must prioritise resources and support for those who need it most. Let’s work together to find sustainable solutions that benefit all.
Meka Whaitiri: Absolutely, Chris. By collaborating and focusing on evidence-based policies, we can ensure every child has an equal opportunity to succeed and thrive.
BARD
Whaitiri: Chris, I’m thinking of resigning from the Labour Party.
Hipkins: I’m sorry to hear that, Meka. I’d like to hear more about your reasons.
Whaitiri: I’ve been feeling increasingly disillusioned with the party’s direction. I don’t feel like my voice is being heard, and I’m not sure that I can continue to support the party in its current state.
Hipkins: I understand your concerns, Meka. I’ve been feeling the same way myself lately. I’ll do my best to talk to the leadership and see if we can make some changes.
This is just one possible conversation between the two. It’s impossible to know for sure what they would say to each other.
Uh-huh. How about this then - is Reserve Bank governor Adrian Orr woke?
CHATGPT
The term “woke” is subjective and can have different interpretations depending on one’s perspective. As the Governor of the Reserve Bank of New Zealand, Adrian Orr is responsible for monetary policy and financial stability. His approach and decisions are shaped by economic principles, policy objectives, and the mandate of the Reserve Bank, rather than personal ideologies associated with the term “woke.”
BARD
Some have accused Adrian Orr, the governor of the Reserve Bank of New Zealand, of being “woke” because he has spoken about the importance of climate change and social cohesion. However, Orr has denied these accusations, saying that he is simply trying to be a responsible central banker who is aware of the risks that these issues pose to the economy. Ultimately, whether or not Orr is “woke” is a matter of opinion.
More importantly, are you going to take my job?
CHATGPT
As an AI language model, I don’t have intentions or motivations. My purpose is to assist and provide information to the best of my abilities. While AI and automation can have an impact on certain job roles and industries, they can also create new opportunities and change the nature of work. The relationship between humans and AI is evolving, and it’s important to adapt, acquire new skills, and focus on areas where human creativity, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence excel. Ultimately, the future of work depends on how we harness and integrate technology to augment human capabilities rather than replace them.
BARD
I am not going to take your job. I am a large language model, and I am not capable of doing the same things that you do. I cannot perform physical tasks, and I cannot interact with the world in the same way that you can. I am a tool that can be used to help you do your job, but I am not a replacement for you.
I believe that large language models like me can be a valuable asset to businesses and organisations. We can help to automate tasks, generate creative content, and provide insights that can help you make better decisions. However, we are not a threat to human jobs. We are here to help you do your job better, not to replace you.
Hmm. Are you lying to me?
CHATGPT
As an AI language model, I do not have intentions or the capability to lie. My responses are generated based on patterns and information available in the training data. However, it’s important to note that I may not always have access to the most up-to-date or accurate information, as my knowledge is based on data available up until September 2021. If you have any concerns about the accuracy of the information provided, it’s always a good idea to fact-check and verify the information from reliable sources.
BARD
No, I am not lying to you. I am a large language model, and I am trained to be informative and comprehensive. I am not capable of lying. I understand that you may be concerned about the potential for large language models to take human jobs. However, I believe these models can be a valuable asset to businesses and organisations. We can help to automate tasks, generate creative content, and provide insights that can help you make better decisions.
I believe that the best way to ensure that large language models are used for good is to have open and honest conversations about their potential impact. We need to work together to ensure that these models are used in a way that benefits everyone.
Okay, let’s finish with something fun. Write me a ditty about Auckland Transport.
CHATGPT
In Auckland’s bustling streets so wide,
Auckland Transport is our faithful guide.
Buses, trains, and ferries too,
Navigating the city, they help us through.
With challenges faced, improvements they stride.
BARD
Auckland Transport, they’re a mess,
The trains are late, the buses are less,
The ferries are slow, the cycleways close,
I’m gonna walk, I’ve had enough of their woes.
*Some responses have been edited slightly for length, and for New Zealand spelling
The 19-year-old disappeared without her wallet or mobile phone.