Open Justice: The shocking, amusing and baffling court cases of 2022

Open Justice takes a look at some of the stories it delivered this year. Photo / NZME

Many justice stories help to create a deeper understanding of the legal system, hold those in power to account or highlight systemic problems. But from time to time, court stories can simply leave you stunned, amused or utterly baffled. This year, Open Justice has covered a number of peculiar stories. Here are a handful of the most head-scratching and jaw-dropping ones.

The burrito crash

A man eating a burrito while driving drunk ended up covered in it after he crashed into a line of cars he failed to see. Photo / 123RF

To begin, we head to Nelson, famous for its sunshine, golden beaches, national parks - and now a drunk-driver who splattered himself with Mexican cuisine.

In early June this year, Ross Coeland had been drinking alcohol before he jumped behind the wheel to pick up a burrito.

While driving and devouring the snack, he failed to see a car stopped ahead of him and slammed into a line of traffic.

But despite the 65-year-old being more than three times the legal limit, he told police it was the food that had distracted him and caused the crash.

Thankfully there were no serious injuries, although Coeland was left wearing the burrito.

The shocking leap

Anthony Wheble was sentenced for a violent attack on a fellow inmate at Paremoremo. Photo / Michael Craig

A more sobering and shocking story was that of Anthony Wheble, the prisoner at Paremoremo who leaped out of the dock while at his sentencing for stabbing a fellow inmate in the face with a razor-toothbrush shank.

Wheble’s August hearing in the High Court at Auckland had just begun when he dove for, it was believed, the defence counsel seated in front of him.

There were gasps from the public gallery as two security officers followed suit, pinning him to the ground after a short scuffle and pulling him out of the courtroom.

Wheble was held in the court cells where he smashed a number of windows before the hearing was adjourned.

He returned to court in October to complete his sentencing. But once the outcome was heard, he refused to leave the courtroom, headbutting a security guard and yelling abuse at the judge.

“F*** you, Judge, you piece of s**t,” he said.

The hurry along

Jesse Simkin was in court for offending against his stepfather. Photo / NZME

On the topic of defendants who show little respect when appearing in court, Jesse Simkin had a few choice words for a judge who was sentencing him for torching his stepfather’s motorcycles.

“Hurry up, you’re wasting my time,” the 24-year-old told Judge Tony Couch.

Simkin had landed in the Christchurch District Court dock after executing a hate campaign against his stepfather, admitting he wanted to “hurt” the man.

That involved setting fire to his motorcycles and garage, and breaching a protection order by sending the man a string of abusive messages and visiting his home.

In court, Simkin’s lawyer argued for home detention but it quickly became apparent the judge would be jailing him.

That’s when the offender’s displeasure set in and he told the judge: “If I’m not getting home detention then just send me... hurry up, you’re wasting my time and other people’s time”.

But the judge pushed back, warning Simkin he’d be out on his ear if he didn’t keep quiet.

The BBQ defecation

A man defecated on a barbecue and then urinated in a fridge. Photo / 123rf

Another familial story that proved baffling to many readers was the one about the man who defecated on his uncle’s barbecue.

One morning in July this year, Matthew Mallinsin snuck into his uncle’s home and took several items including wireless headphones, a rug and his credit card.

A few days later, Mallinsin returned to the property and turned on the barbecue in an effort to get warm.

He then defecated around it, placed his excrement on the barbecue, opened the outdoor refrigerator, took some beer, drank it and then urinated in the fridge.

His uncle was left to clean up his mess.

The strange act was part of a series of offences that landed Mallinsin in custody for several months as he awaited sentencing.

That day came in early December when he received a term of intensive supervision for a raft of charges, one of which related to the defecation incident.

The disgruntled social worker

Francesca Lynch was struck off from the social workers register and ordered to pay $30,000. Photo / Supplied

Moving now away from court and to a tribunal, Open Justice revealed earlier this year that a social worker had been struck off the register and ordered to pay $30,000 in costs for harassing a lawyer.

“You fat disgusting pig ... What a sad little man you are,” and “We all know you were bullied as a kid. Just look at you, you’re a fat, grotesque pig that is totally inadequate at everything you do in your role,” were just two of the shocking messages Francesca Lynch had sent the man.

The lawyer had earlier handled Lynch’s job termination from Canterbury District Health Board. Disgruntled, she went on to target him with a series of voicemails, text messages and even created fake Facebook profiles to send further threats.

Her conduct was heard before the Social Workers Disciplinary Tribunal, during which it was also revealed Lynch had formed an inappropriate relationship with a client of the Salvation Army, who was on bail and whom she was a social worker for.

The tribunal described Lynch’s actions as disgraceful and found she was no longer fit to be a social worker in New Zealand.

The absent lawyer

Defence lawyer Mark Ryan failed to send qualified counsel to a sentencing in his absence. Photo / NZME

Speaking of lawyers, experienced defence lawyer Mark Ryan made headlines this year when he failed to send qualified counsel in his absence to a hearing in a high-stakes meth-dealing case.

His client was due to be sentenced but Ryan made a last-minute application for an adjournment and sent his junior to court to argue the application.

Despite declining the adjournment and ruling the sentencing would proceed, Judge Tony Greig had to reschedule after the junior revealed the high-level sentencing was beyond her legal aid qualifications.

Judge Greig was less than impressed with Ryan’s conduct and referred the matter to the New Zealand Law Society.

The nosy court staff

Ministry of Justice staff were found looking through court records without a justified reason. Photo / File

Another story that considered the professional conduct of those working in the justice sector was the piece on nosy court staff.

Earlier this year, it was revealed more than 150 Ministry of Justice staff and contractors faced employment action after being caught snooping through court records.

But it was two years before employment action was taken against some of those staff - almost all of whom kept their jobs.

The incidents were among more than 1500 recorded privacy breaches since 2015.

While the Ministry claimed the breaches were “not indicative of any embedded breaches” within the country’s justice system, it accepted they were “disappointing”.

The cheeky note

The Nelson police station where Sebastion Lang took a marker pen and wrote on a police car. Photo / Tracy Neal

We finish up back in Nelson, where a man claimed nabbing a marker pen and scrawling an insult on a police car was just a bit of drunken fun.

In January, Sebastion Reginald Lang was held in the Nelson police cells on an excess breath alcohol matter when, during his release the next morning, he took a black pen from the station and wrote his feelings on the vehicle.

The message read “FTP” which translates to F*** the Police. The following month Lang appeared in court on a charge of wilful damage in relation to the insult.

He told the court that at the time he left the note for the officers, he was drunk and angry.

“It was just a joke and I’m a cheeky person when drunk,” Lang said.