New parenting book aims to tame children’s tantrums

A new parenting book by Michael Hempseed and Dame Sue Bagshaw offers advice on dealing with behaviour issues.

A new book by two renowned New Zealand authors is aiming to help parents live more peaceful lives and tame tantrums, simply by having more fun.

Youth expert Dame Sue Bagshaw and author Michael Hempseed have teamed up to write Calming Your Child, De-escalating Tantrums, Anxiety, Aggression and Other Challenging Behaviours.

It offers parents advice and “relatable examples” to help with navigating the challenges that come with parenting.

The idea for the book came out of New Zealand’s first Covid-19 lockdown in 2020, Hempseed said.

“Sue and I observed a staggering rise in behavioural problems amongst young children and realised a lot of parents needed help,” he said.

“We struggled to find any suitable books, so we wrote our own.”

Calming Your Child, De-escalating Tantrums, Anxiety, Aggression and Other Challenging Behaviours has just been released.

Bagshaw is best known for her work establishing Christchurch’s 198 then 298 Youth Health Centre (now Te Tahi Youth).

It was there she met the book’s co-author, psychologist Hempseed.

Together, they have helped thousands of young people who have used the centre’s services since its 1995 opening.

The book challenges parents to rethink how they respond to common behaviours like tantrums and anger.

“Rather than punishing the child for lashing out, it’s important to look at the root cause of the behaviour,” said Hempseed.

“We need to understand the child’s behaviour from the child’s perspective. A tantrum might be due to the child being scared, distressed or overwhelmed and when we understand the ‘why’ behind the behaviour, we can look at techniques to address it.”

Bagshaw said connections and friendships give life meaning, and children have a better chance of happiness if they know how to build connections and positive friendships.

“The ultimate antidote to anxiety and stress is not Valium, it is family, fun and friendships. We all need to have more fun in our lives together,” she said.

The book is aimed at parents of children aged between 4 and 12, although Hempseed said it could benefit any teacher or parent struggling with challenging behaviour.

As well as emphasising the importance of connection, the book offers de-escalation techniques and addresses the potential causes behind problem behaviour, such as trauma, anxiety, ADHD and autism.

“Many parents have tried sticker charts, time outs, time ins, mindfulness, routines and rewards,” Hempseed said.

“While they might work for ‘well-behaved’ children, they certainly don’t work for everyone. This book equips parents with the tools and knowledge to deal with a vast range of challenges – because when you look at the world through a child’s eyes, you’re bound to see a different point of view.”