WARNING: This story discusses suicide and mental health
The parents of a toddler who drowned in the family swimming pool six months ago have welcomed a new baby girl to their whānau.
Matt and Lauren Albert-Wihone said the birth of Khai-Arna had brought happiness in a time of heartbreak.
“In a time of darkness, someone flipped a switch and the world got brighter,” Lauren said.
The not-so-little girl - weighing in at 9lb 14oz - was born on April 3.
River, 15 months, drowned in the family swimming pool in November, devastating dad Matt and pregnant mum Lauren.
The pool was fully fenced but a fault with the self-closing gate meant River was able to access the pool despite the safety-conscious family always checking it.
River died in Lauren’s arms in hospital after spending four days in a coma and then eight days in intensive care.
The pair shared their heartbreak publicly and begged other families to check pool fencing ahead of the holiday season.
When their baby was born last week, Matt and Lauren named her Khai-Arna - a name their beloved son had accidentally chosen before he died.
“When River was still here Matt and I were texting each other about names for the new baby,” Lauren said.
“River grabbed my phone and slapped the screen and he sent the name Khai to Matt.”
The parents jotted down the name with other ideas but when River died in November last year, the name Khai became the obvious choice.
The couple said the past six months had been unbearable as they struggled with the loss of River and moved from the home where he died. The pair were worried they would welcome their daughter to the world as “broken parents”.
They struggled to find a suitable counsellor through the public system so went private, and through Matt’s mother they found a match with Jane Weekes.
Jane and husband Martin lost their 2-year-old triplets - Jackson, Willsher and Lillie - to a fire at a childcare centre at a Qatar shopping mall, in May 2012.
Their very public heartbreak was covered by news agencies worldwide, with court cases and a battle for justice for those who lost loved ones in the fire.
Jane completed a Bachelor of Counselling in 2016 to help others experiencing trauma, grief and loss.
Matt and Lauren said working with Jane had been a huge help and they related to her because she had also experienced loss.
“We really struggled with mental health and thoughts of suicide and Jane encouraged us to talk to each other so we had that backstop and help,” Matt said.
“She made us realise we needed to get those feelings out there so loved ones knew what we were thinking and could support us.”
The couple have three other children: Skylah, 10, Cairo, 7 and Amelle, 6, who were “doting” on their little sister but were also scarred by the loss of their little brother.
The siblings witnessed their baby brother being resuscitated by the pool and the panic and distress that followed.
They have had initial counselling sessions through Starship children’s hospital.
“Kids are so resilient but they are very aware of death now and show concern for the baby and their cousins who are the same age as River,” Matt said.
The family had recently moved from the house where River drowned because they couldn’t cope with their bedroom overlooking the pool.
The new house had several areas dedicated to River where the family could sit with his favourite things, look at photos and think of him.
“It gives our kids space to be with River and they have come out with some gems about him,” Lauren said.
“They are bittersweet memories but we leave the door open for them to say how they are feeling.”
Lauren and Matt said ongoing counselling would help them cope with “secondary loss” - the knowledge River had missed out on being a big brother and Khai-Arna having River in her life.
The pair are dedicated to keeping River’s memory alive and said Khai-Arna will grow up knowing River named her and will know his face and voice.
“We took River’s ashes into the theatre room so he was with us when Khai-Arna was born and we will play her videos so she can hear his voice,” Lauren said.
Matt said it was bittersweet that Khai-Arna was the exact image of her big brother - just bigger and with more hair.
“River was our ‘Fatman’ and our biggest baby but Khai-Arna is even bigger. She is River’s twin,” Matt said.
“It is especially hard because they look so much alike and I know she would have been his twin and his best little friend.”
Matt and Lauren said they had felt the support of family and friends in the past six months and had also heard from other parents who had suffered loss.
“We have had a lot of people who have lost children reach out,” Lauren said.
“They have said time heals and you never move on but you do eventually move forward. For us, we are in that waiting period for that time to heal. It hasn’t come yet.”
A Givealittle page had been set up to help fund ongoing counselling sessions for the family and to give them time to grieve.
Where to get help:
Lifeline: Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP) (available 24/7)
Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
Youth services: (06) 3555 906
Youthline: Call 0800 376 633 or text 234
What’s Up: Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm)
Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202 (available 24/7)
Helpline: Need to talk? Call or text 1737
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111
Kirsty Wynn is an Auckland-based journalist with more than 20 years experience in New Zealand newsrooms. She has covered everything from crime and social issues to the property market and consumer affairs.
He is not an immediate risk to public safety but still should not be approached.