Mr Suave Guy blows his cool

Winston Peters talks to Pohutukawa Coast Grey Power. Picture / Greg Bowker

When Winston Peters arrives at a venue to deliver a speech, he likes things to be just so.

So when Grey Power Pohutukawa Coast invited Mr Peters to address them at Maraetai Bowling Club, the New Zealand First leader had three conditions: prompt directions to the toilet on his arrival, a glass of water to sip during the speech, and a microphone on a tripod stand.

He got the water and the toilet's location, but there was no tripod for the mic.

The politician was not happy. "If you don't mind I'll get it right before I start," he told the audience of 130 retirees, who were waiting to hear New Zealand First's promises to fix the "elder care crisis" by improving nursing homes, raising pay rates for aged-care nurses, and ensuring the elderly can go to nursing homes in their own local areas.

"I don't want to hold it [the mic] because I actually sent a note up saying I'd like a tripod to hold the microphone," Mr Peters announced. "That's what needs to happen. If someone gets me a broom, I'll get it fixed up. I'm not starting this show until it's right. Honestly, I damn asked them to do it," he muttered.

Mr Bateman apologised. Two Grey Power members went off in search of a broom to act as makeshift tripod, and others offered walking sticks and crutches.

Mr Peters kept the audience of 130 retirees waiting in embarrassed silence for 11 minutes, while a TV3 crew vainly tried to gaffer-tape his microphone to the lectern.

Eventually TV3 gave their own microphone stand to Mr Peters, who loathes any hint of unprofessionalism, even when the perpetrators are the frail aged of Pohutukawa Coast.

So he decided to deliver a lesson on political standards.

"I'd like to say, ladies and gentlemen, that if you want to get what you want in the 2005 campaign - and this [microphone incident] is a good example of it - you've got to be deadly serious about this campaign.

"I don't want to say anything more than that, but you know, I did ask for a microphone and one that I could use without having to turn the pages with the microphone in my hand, it'd be all over the place. So I'm not criticising anyone but please, it is important if you want to get a fair go in 2005 that we make it a professional campaign in every respect," he said, glaring sternly around the room.

Yesterday's speech was supposed to stay away from Mr Peters' recent favourite subjects, terrorism and the "multiheaded serpent" of Islam, and instead focus on the importance of aged care. The other scripted theme was the need for "direct democracy", and the audience clapped loudly at Mr Peters' promises to reduce Parliament to 99 seats, shrink the size of Cabinet and introduce binding referenda on "key issues" which are decided by MPs' conscience votes.

But Mr Peters knows a vote-winner when he's on to one, and couldn't stay away from terror.

"In the UK they thought it wouldn't happen there, but it has and it will go on happening, and I am gravely concerned that one day - hopefully it never happens here - but we as a country because of our loose and cavalier responsibility, allow it to happen to one of our allies, because we have allowed them to travel through this country and let me tell you, if it happens, they will never forgive us. So we're not backing off just because a bunch of know-nothings have decided that this somehow is racist.

"I had an interview with a New Zealand Herald reporter this morning where she was questioning my evidence. Pretty rich, don't you think? But the old English saying is true; the malady of the ignorant is to be ignorant without knowing it."