More Prozac, less hunny for Pooh's woes

By KATHERINE HOBY

Oh bother! It seems all is not well in the Hundred Acre Wood.

A group of Canadian doctors has found that Pooh, Piglet and other A. A. Milne characters need psychological help.

An article published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal suggests Pooh is suffering attention hyperactivity disorder and could be prone to Tourette's syndrome.

Eeyore has chronic depression, Christopher Robin is having a gender identity crisis and Piglet needs medication.

"Sadly, the forest is not ... a place of enchantment, but rather one of disenchantment, where neurodevelopmental and psychological problems go unrecognised and untreated," the paediatricians write.

The journal has a tradition for writing tongue-in-cheek pieces for the festive season, but the doctors conclude that there is a dark underside to A. A. Milne's world.

Pooh's obsession with food and his repetitive counting behaviour raise the possibility that he has obsessive compulsive disorder. His "hunny" obsession has led to obesity.

They are concerned about his assertions that he is "a bear of very little brain" and suggest that Christopher Robin is to blame.

"Early on we see Pooh being dragged downstairs bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head. Could his later cognitive struggles be the result of a type of shaken bear syndrome?"

Piglet, Pooh's best friend, is struggling with generalised anxiety disorder. The symptoms include blushing and stammering. He needs an anti-panic drug.

Eeyore needs therapy to help him cope with the cruel loss of his tail, and suffers from depression, for which he should take Prozac.

Owl covers up language and spelling problems and is clearly dyslexic, the doctors say.

Rabbit has a narcissistic personality disorder; Tigger needs sedation medication.

Roo is of great concern, due to his single-parent upbringing by overprotective mum Kanga.

"We predict we will some day see a delinquent, jaded, adolescent Roo hanging out late at night ... the ground littered with broken bottles ... and the butts of smoked thistles."

Christopher Robin has a gender identity disorder, lacks adult supervision and talks to animals altogether too much, the doctors conclude.

Auckland psychologist Henck Van Bilsen said a lot of the diagnosis appeared to ring true.

"I haven't done a recent study of Winnie the Pooh but it sounds reasonable to me," he said.

"Didn't Eeyore always seem down and blue to us? Of course he did. Wasn't Tigger always the bouncy one with too much energy? Absolutely."