KEY POINTS:
Here is an earlier selection of Your Views:
Plunger
New Zealand is a matriarchal society. Women rule. Men labour. Men are so disenfranchised from women, and from society, that they find other things to do to get away from women, and from the nation's curious obsession with women in power. I dunno what exactly. Fish. Disappear into the bush. Go to Australia. Open a panelbeaters in Te Awamutu. New Zealand men are so tired of the pressure put on them by their mums, sisters, aunties, cousins (female), old girlfriends, that they are about to go bats anytime anything is mentioned about women in any way possible. It's time New Zealand declared for men. Men are good, quite frankly. Men are strong. Well, men are OK, anyway, at least for now. Women may disagree with this.
M (Christchurch)
Far out! Why don't all the men in NZ just leave if you find us NZ women so disgusting, I hope your mothers and sisters aren't reading what you have written! In my experience I have found the majority of men to either be more interested in rugby and each other than getting to know a girl. While the guys from overseas who I have met know how to have a conversation and seem a lot more relaxed with out 'Bokish' arrogance which so many NZ guys seem to have.
Harry (Horowhenua)
I have to say I'm with "Go to Australia" on this one. I came back to Auckland after ten years in Sydney in the early nineties and was blown away by the uptight snotty approach of Auckland woman. Aussie woman are so much more relaxed, easy going, approachable and fun to be with. They know what they want and are not scared to ask for it. I find Kiwi girls tend like to act and put themselves on pedestals, wanting men to do all the chasing and performing little mating rituals around them for approval. Definitely a generalisation, but a real one in my eyes.
LV
Madarab you are so right in regards to Kiwi women. The only thing bigger than a kiwi woman's opinion of themselves are the size of their butts. Kiwi women have the same grace, style, class and pinache of heffers in heat. Give me a classy ,cultured, refined, intelligent women from Europe any day.
Chris
I think Kiwi girls have the wrong idea of playing 'hard to get'. They act like it means 'be impossible to know'. Of all the female friends that I've had - the ones who stick out the most (regardless of looks - there's more to a person than that) are from overseas. South Africa, Australia and the USA - such darlings. Sadly, Kiwi girls (in general - I know there are exceptions to every rule) have little more depth than a puddle and yet they think that they're the world's best thing since sliced bread. I've known a few Kiwi guys who have been good, decent fellows who have felt exactly the same. And I have another friend from overseas who asked me when he first got here "What's up with kiwi girls?" "I don't know - it's just the way they are." That's just my experience.
Flato (Hong Kong)
Actually, I can't remember the last time I talked to a white woman who wasn't my mother. Even looking at them gives the creeps. NZ women are without doubt the plainest, least presentable women in the world and I have lived and worked in four continents. That two-year common law partner thing is just insane as well.
Trixie NZ
I found the right partner by finding an import, a Brit to be precise. I had got tired of Kiwi men who were only emotional when we lost the rugby and who's idea of a girlfriend was someone who would keep his dinner warm while he was down at the pub. As the for the comments regarding Kiwi women, some might be valid but there are men out there that like women that can stand on their own two feet and aren't scared to break a nail or two. Saying that however it shouldn't mean that you try to be a man in all respects!
Jo
There are plenty good men out there - woman go looking in the wrong places! People in clubs are out for a good time, out to drink and to get laid. If you want to find a man you go to where they relax, you take up golf, go to the gym, find a church, go sailing, snowboarding, have fun and relax, you find them in clubs. I know at least 5 awesome guys that are looking for partners but cannot find them. They lamenting the fact that the New Zealand woman are so easy, they will latch on and sleep around, not what you want for a partner. Raise your standards and you will waste less time on the scum. Oh and another tip, find a South African man. They have good values, strong bodies, they will look after you, they grew up traditionally and their families are important (and if a guy shows commitment to his family he will show it to you)!
Madarab
The reason for the man drought may have something to do with the large influx of beautiful Asian women on our shores, skin like silk, bodies from heaven and good morals. The only thing bigger than a Kiwi woman's attitude is usually her bum. You made your beds, now lie in them (alone).
Kim H (Sydney)
I am a Kiwi male. Unfortunately most Kiwi women I came across were pale, slovenly, ham-bottomed frumps. I found it rewarding to start dating outside my own ethnicity. Until a couple of years ago that was something I hadn't really done before. As long as the cultural divide is not too immense it can work very well. I have found that Filipina or Malaysian women, especially, make wonderful, supportive partners. Don't subscribe to that "submissive maid" stereotype that is attached to them - it's rubbish.
M (Auckland)
I was born in Europe and have felt a huge connection with European women. New Zealand women seem so picky and one-sided, they tend to keep to themselves. This could be due to no other means of socialisation due to being on an island with nothing but water surrounding. I am not sure but I do have a different vibe around Kiwi women. That is why I'm leaving this country ASAP to find someone with better qualities. Living in Auckland could be one reason, as I've noticed girls are a lot more friendly in other parts of NZ such as Hamilton and the Coromandel. What is it about Auckland/NZ girls?
Kiwi overseas
Geeez... some of the comments about NZ women in this column have been a bit harsh! I've always found NZ women to be straight up, out there, confident, and not backwards about coming forward - which is what I like. The more I travel - the more I appreciate NZ women. Having spent a number of years travelling/ living overseas (as I am now) I've never understood why some guys seem fixated on getting a diminutive, totally agreeable, say nothing challenging girlfriend. Where's the fun in that? I guess it comes down to what you're looking for in a partner - and the word "partner" pretty much says it all - an equal (I'm not saying this to get a date by the way as I'm happily married and have been for 16 years). As for advice about finding someone - is anyone an expert on this? I think some stuff needs to be there right from the start (love obviously, honesty, humour, etc) - but other stuff can be worked on and will develop over time. Don't expect to have everything you want from day 1 (some things take time), but do expect keep working on the relationship even when you're happy - you have to keep working on it. That's my 2 cents worth.
Go where the foreigners are
Go overseas or if that's not feasible, try your luck at a backpacker hostel somewhere within NZ. Worked for me, and I'm now to be married to a German. I tell ya, there's a dynamic and engaging quality about European women who travel from the other end of the globe. It may seem as a generalisation, but if you take the average European woman, she'll far exceed the materialistic, arrogant nature of your typical clubbing NZ chick hands down.
L
It might be a case of more women in NZ than men but that doesn't mean the quality of the women in NZ is that high. On the whole NZ women have little class, style, fashion sense or personalities. It's hard to meet a women in NZ whop doesn't have hang ups, baggage, kids ,ex- husbands or reasonable expectations. I'm glad I met my wife in Sweden and can't be happier. Far better than the mutton-dressed-as-lamb in NZ. My advice to single Kiwi blokes find a women when you are overseas and you won't be disappointed. The quality and selection is far better.
Sir Hunky Bumble (Masterton)
Jackie, who wouldn't touch a Kiwi man with a large barge pole, has the right idea. Women should always check out the size of the guy's barge pole first.
Barbara
Women need to move to areas of NZ where the odds are stacked in a woman's favour. The West Coast of the South Island is ideal for woman to find a surplus of men to women sex ratio. Or move near a military camp full of young, single, healthy bucks like Burnham Military camp near Christchurch is an excellent choice to get a man! :-)) If you don't like Kiwi blokes the other is to move near a major sea port where a lot of foreign or fishing ships are docking and collecting supplies; you can find exotic foreigner. Last but not least go overseas and travel. NZ men have no social skills just go up to one and ask them if they are married. Depending on their reply they will tell you instantly if they are interested in you or not and ask them for their telephone number.
Happy girl
I have never struggled to find a date, but finding a partner was like going to war. I actual met my partner/boyfriend through a blind date set up by one of my male friend's. On the night of the blind date I decided that I would just relax and enjoy the company, I didn't expect anything to come of it. Because I wasn't trying to make a "good" impression I was more relaxed and self confident, which made all the difference.
Bruce
"30 something" and "Jimbo" provide the classic mismatch of expectations both sexes have. Both also hit the nail on the head with their views. My experience was to be patient in finding someone who shares an interest in the same things I do. No one is perfect, so if that's what you're looking for, you're going to be looking for a very long time for that one person. Your chances are roughyly 1:2,000,000. I do subscribe to the view that many NZ woman are too uptight about themselves and life generally. Don't bother with woman who travel out and about in groups of girl friends, they're are not really into finding someone - you need to read the signs.
Jackie (London)
Leave NZ. I wouldn't touch a Kiwi man with a barge pole.
Go To Australia
Move to, or at least visit Australia on a frequent basis, where the women overall are markedly more friendly, less surly and a whole lot more easier to approach/strike up a conversation with.
Sasha Madarasz - Two's Company (Auckland)
Tips on dating from an expert! I have an Introduction Agency where we do one on one introductions. The clients that join the books are not looking for a social life, they have one. They are looking to meet other single people with complimenting lifestyles and personalities. I liken it to a full restaurant. There could be 5 suitable partners in there for you, but how do you meet them? Join an Agency like Two's Company where we know those people and introduce you to them. Our clients have paid money to join because they genuinely want to meet someone with the long term in mind.
What men are looking for: The men who join Two's Company's books are mostly looking for someone with time for a relationship, not high maintenance, down to earth, takes pride in their appearance, has career and goals, has a great attitude.
What Women are looking for: Women rate honesty, he must have his own life and friends, successful, confident but not arrogant, great conversation, great sense of humour, a decision maker, respectful, good work / life balance.
Tips: Forget those American dating books Kiwi men and women are soooo different. Do not play hard to get! Your date will think you don't like them and move on to someone who does.
Dress up not down: Have more than two dates with them. I can understand on internet dating that you might want to check the person out but when you have signed up to an agency, your agent is only looking out for the best for you as they do not want the upset phone call the next day. You do not need to make a decision after one date if this is the one for you. You don't even know them. You have nothing to lose. Just enjoy your self and have another date.
Jimbo (Sydney)
I'm in that early 40's group and the best tip I can give is go overseas. I've travelled the world and NZ women are the most uptight, hard to please, full of themselves females on the planet. I tried the internet/connexions etc for nine months and got not one date, I'm in Aussie for 1 month and am now dating a lovely lady - go figure.
30-something living in Auckland
Get on an airplane and go to another country and find yourself a nice man who lives in the 21st century. New Zealand men are some of the rudest, most arrogant, backward and least helpful men I have ever come across. Also they generally don't care about their appearance or health. (That said, I have a lovely NZ man who helps out with housework and helps with heavy bags etc but he lived in London for 4 years so became civilised!)
Emma (Hawke's Bay)
Don't develop a list of ridiculous criteria! Talk to guys for five minutes and find out what they're like before writing them off because you don't like their shoes!