Money woes affecting Kiwi sex lives

The recession isn't only hitting Kiwis in the wallet - it's impacting on our sex lives, a study shows. Photo / Michael Cunningham

Money troubles might have stripped us of shopping sprees, luxury travel and fancy dinners, but sex is one thing that should remain recession-proof.

Sex therapists are seeing more couples who blame their lack of bedroom activities on redundancies and increased stress at work.

A K-Y Brand Intimacy survey by Consumer Link reveals the economic downturn has had a negative impact on the love lives of married Kiwis.

The survey of 500 people showed a quarter of women blamed the recession for reduced intimacy, while 19 per cent of men agreed romance had been ruled out by financial stress.

The findings back the 2006 Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey of 26,000 people worldwide, which found 63 per cent of New Zealanders were having sex weekly, but only 43 per cent were satisfied.

Sex therapist Nic Beets said more people were reporting stress when visiting him and his colleague Verity Thom at their Auckland practice.

Beets said a change in a couple's situation could affect the entire dynamic of their relationship - with problems between the sheets.

"Situations change when times are tough - when one person loses their job or income and everything has to be re-evaluated.

"If you don't have the skills to deal with it in a positive way, it will impact on your sex life."

But Beets said sex wouldn't necessarily be the only part of the relationship to suffer in tight times.

"It might be sex, or it might be that you don't talk to each other like you used to. Everybody's relationships will hit a crisis point, but the timing of them can be affected by outside sources like money."

Clinical psychologist and sex therapist Robyn Salisbury said couples with problems in the bedroom might need to address other issues - including finances - to get things moving again.

"If someone has poured their heart and soul into a job only to be made redundant, they will feel expendable, which can be damaging."

But some couples become more determined to make things right.

"Financial strains and other impacts from the economic situation are definitely affecting relationships, but I've noticed couples are going back to traditional values and recognising what they've got.

"It's not just about working on your intimate relationship in the bedroom, but every aspect of your relationship 24/7."

* Tips to get your sex life back on track

It can be difficult to overcome hurdles in the bedroom, but sex-perts Nic Beets and Robyn Salisbury have six tips to help you recession-proof your love life.

Talk to each other: Nothing is going to be resolved by staying silent. Talk about issues as openly as possible.

Say it right: When you do get back in the bedroom, instead of saying "do this," say "will you ... ?" Turning it into a positive critique is much more helpful.

Get to know yourself: You could probably tell a sex therapist exactly how your partner works, but how much do you know about yourself? Do you initiate sex with confidence? Do you treat sex like a job that needs to be done?

Sex does not equal intercourse: You might have physical intercourse only once a fortnight, but you can have emotional sex every day. A kiss or a touch with "erotic intent" behind it can be sexier than intercourse if it makes you feel good.

Invest in your love life: Times are tough but try not cut out date nights altogether. Spending intimate time together is important to take your mind off financial stress.

Remember sex is free: You might not be able to afford a new sex toy (if that's your thing) but sex costs nothing and can be a stress reliever.