Money troubles can be scourge of modern life

Money: it might mean a luxurious holiday or simply having enough to feed your family. REBECCA WALSH reports.

Money problems are right up there with sex and parenting problems for many parents, says clinical psychologist Lisa Markwick.

"It might be what money is used for and how it's managed, or who is making the decisions and are they negotiated," she says.

While a lack of money can cause significant stress, problems also occur when expectations about how money should be used are different or when decisions about money reflect power dynamics in a family.

Ms Markwick says people have increasing expectations about what money can provide and when they can't meet their expectations may feel a sense of shame.

Many will be worried about how it looks to other people when, for example, families lose money and are unable to send their children to a private school.

"It's often men I'm working with who maybe have become depressed or have an increasingly low sense of their own value, given that kind of circumstance," she says.

"They put value on their ability to provide.

"Suddenly they can't meet their own expectations and feel their value as a person is lessened."

Ms Markwick says many people see comfort and luxury items as an indicator of success.

In contrast, for those with little or no income, necessities such as food are the priority.

But she says people's perceptions of stress, whether it is going without a meal or the latest Audi, may not be any different because they probably have different expectations about what they should or could be providing.

"So, in reality, one is in dire straits and the other is just missing some luxuries but their own perception of stress would be much the same."

Teena Siteine, coordinator of budgeting and advocacy services at the Manurewa People's Centre, works mostly with beneficiaries and those on low incomes.

She says a lack of money can affect families' health, education and relationships.

Many do not have enough money to cover basic living costs and because there is no financial incentive for families on a benefit to stay together, they often separate.

Parents will delay their own or their children's visits to the doctor, which can result in their being admitted to hospital for a preventable illness.

Some parents, out of embarrassment, stop sending their children to school if they can't give them lunch.

Ms Siteine says the centre's three budget advisers see up to four people each a day. Some are regular clients.

The advisers look at income versus outgoings and set up a budget.

They offer a range of advice from information on where and how to shop, to helping renegotiate payments to creditors.

The advisers encourage families to eat healthy, home-cooked meals rather than expensive takeaways. Simple things like buying vegetables when they are in season can make a difference.

Setting up a Christmas savings account early in the year can help to avoid a big debt in the new year.

Ms Siteine says despite that, many families still struggle to survive.

Beth Cherry, coordinator of the Combined Churches Budgeting Service in Blockhouse Bay, says that part of the problem is that people no longer have life skills, such as how to cook a nourishing meal.

"My mother grew vegetables and could make a soup from next to nothing. A lot of those skills have been lost because of the fast-paced world we live in."