Mini gets tough on April Fools Day

It arrived as an official press release: "Mini Australia is to take stringent action against Mini Cabrio drivers caught flouting the Mini Always Open contract," says company spokesman Max Headroom. "Any Mini Cabrio driver detected driving with the roof closed, in flagrant contravention of the Mini Always Open contract, can be ejected from their vehicle. Mini will re-allocate the vehicle to a purchaser who is willing to comply with the contract. The Mini Cabrio driver ejected from their car will be offered a Mini hardtop of comparable specification. To enforce the Always Open contract, Mini will deploy teams of specially trained operatives, to be known as the Mini Roof Down Squad. The MRDS [above] will patrol the central business districts of major Australian cities, and will spring into action the second the patrol detects violations of the Mini Always Open contract." The date of the release was April 1.

Speed still kills

Speeding fines handed out to drivers in Scotland increased by more than 60 per cent over 12 months while road deaths were up by 9 per cent. "If anyone ever needed proof that speed enforcement is not saving lives, this is it," said Paul Smith, founder of Scotland's Safe Speed road safety campaign. "Clearly the massive increase in speed enforcement has not driven down road deaths. And if it doesn't save lives what good is it?" Smith, a 49-year-old engineer, said driving safety was not about "sticking to the speed limit". "It's about far more sophisticated driver behaviours based on skills, attitudes and responsibilities.

Auto pilot for cars

An Italian company is trialling self-steering cars. Milan-based Parodia Electronica has developed software which uses commands from the car's navigation system to operate an electro-hydraulic steering mechanism, in the manner of a yacht's auto-pilot. The sat-nav systems have been upgraded to respond to fixed ground-based data to help plot the car's way. The company says the system is accurate to 50cm. "So well does the software meet its objectives that the vehicles are able to navigate on public roads between a number of fixed points without receiving any steering input from the driver, who controls only the brake and accelerator pedals."

A floor-mounted switch allows the driver to reingage the steering in an emergency.

Kia sets sales record

Korean carmaker Kia has set a new monthly sales record in Britain of more than 7000 vehicles. The sales success in March continues Kia's dramatic rise as the fastest-growing volume brand in the British new car market. Similar records were also being set for Kia throughout Europe, where March sales reached an all-time high of 26,532 units, an 86 per cent increase on the same period in 2004.

We are the world

Police reports of "hate crime" in Newton, Massachusetts, included one against a sports utility vehicle. The report read: "On the rear hatch someone with their finger traced out 'wash me' and below that was a swatz sticker [sic] symbol." The policeman is not the only person in the United States unclear on the spelling of things Nazi. A man on a charge of murder in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, asked the judge for permission to wear a Ku Klux Klan robe in court and to be addressed by the "honorable and respected name of Hi Hitler".

* The Boston Herald reports that Bill DiPasquale came out of a two-week coma at Massachusetts General Hospital, five minutes after a friend whispered in his ear a message from their boss. It was: "You tell him to wake up, get out of bed, and get his ass back to work."