The family visited a memorial that had been set up for the nearly 300 victims of flight MH17 at Amsterdam Airport - "which was an amazing experience".
"It just brought home the enormity of this event. Whole families were wiped out."
Mrs Ayley said the family had felt isolated from other victims because her son was the only New Zealand resident to have died in the crash.
"We haven't had any contact with any other families, but the memorial at Amsterdam Airport really brought it home to us that there is worldwide suffering from this event."
Mrs Ayley said the family was relieved her son had been identified early and he was now home.
His ashes would be scattered where he and his wife had their wedding photos taken.
"That's a place of happy memories for all of us."
His wife Sharlene and their two young sons Seth and Taylor were moving from their Otaki home to be with family in Nelson.
Mrs Ayley said Sharlene Ayley had come from Nelson and needed the support of her family and friends.
She spoke of her son's generous nature - giving away possessions when the family could not afford to replace them.
"What he had were a lot of dreams for the future."
He had left high school at 16, but gained a place at Massey University to qualify as a chemical engineer so he could provide for his family, Mrs Ayley said.
"He was so proud."
She said the final words the family always spoke to each other were: "I love you, stay safe."
Mr Ayley, 29, was flying to New Zealand from Amsterdam on MH17 when it was shot down in eastern Ukraine on July 17.
A trust was set up for Mr Ayley's children after the crash, which has been added to, mostly by family members, Mrs Ayley said.
• Donations to the trust can be made at the Rob Ayley Trust Fund at Westpac 03-1533-0043673-000. All donations will go towards Seth and Taylor's future.
