Mayor the bait in debate

Oscar Kightley and Kerre Woodham back Auckland as the new capital. Picture / Fotopress

When it comes to squatting on the fence after a vigorous debate on whether Auckland should be New Zealand's capital, mayor Dick Hubbard takes the cake.

After Jeremy Corbett, Kerre Woodham and Oscar Kightley lined up to argue in favour, and Tom Scott, Oliver Driver and Te Radar took on the negative in last night's great celebrity debate, Mr Hubbard decided it should be Ohakune, because it was halfway between Auckland and Wellington.

Mr Hubbard, the "impartial adjudicator" had not had an easy ride.

He and wife Diana came in at the 11th hour fresh from the Little Barrier ferry which, Diana said, was "delayed, then broke down, then all this smoke started coming out".

When he got to the stage, the teams turned on him.

Kerre Woodham informed all present that Mr Hubbard had walked in shaking the front of his trousers and announcing his crotch was full of sand.

A small but appreciative audience filed into the Sky City theatre to hear the debate, a fundraiser for the Busting With Pride dragon-boat crew of breast cancer survivors.

There were the usual diversions - Jeremy Corbett wondered whether the Auckland festival in 42 years' time would be called AK47, and Woodham gave an extended dissertation on the effects of aging on the bosom, and a cautionary tale of the six years she had to spend waitressing in Wellington as "penance for failing in Auckland" after making a drunken spectacle of herself.

The debate did turn to the facts , briefly.

According to Woodham; "Auckland is the Cambridge Exam, the rest of the country is NCEA. Auckland is the Centre of Excellence, the rest of the country is Te Wananga o Aotearoa."

But fiction was always going to make for a more compelling argument.

Driver argued Huntly was the real capital, but this was kept secret to prevent attacks.

"The city they advertise as the capital city is generally the city the country doesn't mind losing. For example, Canberra, Washington, Wellington."

Most lyrical of all was Tom Scott, who launched his attack for the negative in poetic style.

"Auckland is the city you have an affair with, Wellington is the one you marry. Auckland ripens the senses, quickens the pulse and lowers the standards."

But the line of the day came before the debate proper had even started.

After introducing himself, Mr Hubbard proved he was a ground-breaking politician, announcing words never heard from his ilk before: "Ladies and gentlemen, you've seen enough of me now."

Today's AK05 highlights


The Three Puppeteers - panel discussion on things with strings, with three members of Montreal's Cabaret Decadanse, moderated by puppeteer Oly Smart. Limelight, level 3, Aotea Centre, 1pm.

Cabaret Decadanse - see above; puppets performing as crooners, in the hands of puppeteers Serge Deslauriers and Raynald Michaud. Town Hall Concert Chamber, 8pm.

Giant Leap Disability Festival - opening concert hosted by Philip Patston, showcasing the acts appearing in the festival through to March 5. Tapac, Western Springs, 7pm.

Te Moko: A History of Skin - Te Uhi a Mataora artists demonstrate the art, history and significance of the moko. Auckland Museum.

Vula - Nina Nawalowalo's evocative work about a group of Pacific Island women and their relationship with the sea, with music by Gareth Farr. Maidment, 6.30pm.

Strata - Kirk Torrance's drama about two brothers in a West Coast mine in the late 1800s; with Te Kohe Tuhaka and Karlos Drinkwater. Herald, 6.30pm.

Clockwork Orange - last days of director Andrew Foster's version of Anthony Burgess' surreal vision of the future. Silo, 7pm.

Jack & the Beanstalk - panto lunacy with Michael Hurst. St James, 6pm.

Ringing in the Watches - mesmerising installation featuring 22 ship bells and music by composer Jonathan Besser. Sanford Theatre, National Maritime Museum, daily 9am-6pm.