Kiwis love a whinge, which is great because it's Moanvember: A month-long celebration of complaining. Thirty days focused on minor gripes. Moanvember isn't about the big problems like the government's covid response, cyber terrorism or the obesity epidemic.
It's about little annoyances like non-resealable bags in cereal boxes, thinlydrawn flatpack instructions and impenetrable plastic product packaging.
I usually live by the words of the great stoic philosopher Epictetus: "There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond our power or our will". We don't control most things we complain about, so shouldn't we focus on the things we do, like the quality of our thoughts and decisions?
Probably, but I give Moanvember a pass because it's fun. Here are some of the mild complaints I have been enjoying this month.
Most New Zealanders love a filled roll. What we don't like is misleading meat placement. We have all been there before. You see a filled roll that appears packed with ham. You buy it, remove the glad wrap, take a bite, and the truth hits you right in the mouth.
The meat was an illusion. A thin surface of protein hides a massive grated carrot underbelly. I don't care how much mayonnaise and cheese you mix in; no one wants grated carrot in a bread-based lunch.
Apples and pear stickers are slightly annoying. We want to munch and go; why do we have to stop and peel off a bit of paper? Stickers on bananas and oranges are fine; you have to remove their peel anyway. But apples and pears are natural wonders grown ready to eat.
The sticker gets in the way of that. Do growers really need their brand name on an apple? Complaining about minor inconveniences like this is what Moanvember is all about.
Humans come in all sizes. I suffer from short legs, long torso, syndrome (SLLTS). My grandmother claimed it's a trait passed down from our ancestors who spent most of their time running around the Scottish Highlands swinging battle axes at Englishmen.
Whatever the reason, I run a 34 waist and a 28 leg - a jeans size you will never find in a New Zealand shop.
People camp outside Sylvia Park shopping mall waiting for shops to open when Auckland moved to Covid-19 alert level 3.2 as vaccination rates continue to climb. Photo / NZH
Kiwis with slightly odd shapes have to buy pants and then alter them to fit. We have to take them to a tailor, sow them or roll them up and under every day.
As a person whose head touches car roofs when driving but doesn't reach 6 feet standing up - I find this slightly annoying.
Base camping is a mild problem at supermarkets across the country. It's the act of parking your trolley on the side of an aisle and leaving it there as you forage. A supermarket trolley base camp blocks shelves for other shoppers and can lead to aisle congestion.
It's a little bit lazy and shouldn't be encouraged. A supermarket trolley has wheels; please use them. Abandoning your trolley to search for food marginally inconveniences your fellow shoppers. Say no to base camping.
No one loves Christmas more than I do. December 1 every year, I whip out the Michael Bublé Christmas Album and punish my kids with it for the whole month. We run a strict Christmas movie regime. Fred Claus, The Grinch, Miracle on 34th Street, Die Hard, Gremlins and Love Actually.
Every December, I make my kids watch all these films culminating with a compulsory Christmas Eve viewing of the Will Ferrell classic Elf. Christmas in December is the greatest. Christmas starting in November is slightly annoying.
"I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday," by Wizzard is s stupid song. It makes no sense. Christmas wouldn't be special if it happened every day. We get enough Christmas in December. Please keep it out of November or run the risk of vaguely irritating the odd person.
Moanvember is the most wonderful time of year. A month-long celebration of mild complaints.
Whether it's lazy people blocking airport travelators or the evil algorithm repeatedly throwing out internet adverts for items you have already purchased, get it off your chest in Moanvember.
There are still eight days left, so ask yourself, 'what is slightly annoying me?' And tell someone.
