Barry - Where did his glasses go?
Charlie - Dunno.
Barry - Did he lose his glasses?
Charlie - Probably.
Likeability: 7/10
Note: A video in which the Leader of the Opposition was wearing glasses stopped playing so we had to move on to a non-glasses one. This appears to have adversely affected his favorability rating.
Paula Bennett
Charlie - She looks like mum's cousin.
Barry - Which one?
Charlie - Actually I'm just thinking of her from the news.
Barry - Mum's cousin?
Charlie - No her. Paula Bennett. Dick!.
Likeability: 9/10
Grant Robertson
Charlie - Hey he's the guy we found behind the house.
Barry - He was nice.
Charlie - Dad, what was he doing behind our house?
Likeability: 10/10
Note: During the Mt Roskill byelection our subdivided neighbours were on Grant's get out the vote list. As a result, he ended up in our backyard. We thought he was a burglar. Luckily before I could hit the Wellington Central MP I recognised him and invited him in for a beer. The kids loved him. He knows his cricket.
Winston Peters
Charlie - He's old.
Barry - He's allowed to be. Poppy is old.
Charlie - He's thinks everything is funny.
Barry - He's smiley.
Likeability: 8/10
Note: Poppy is their grandfather.
Jonathan Coleman
Charlie - He looks like a Dad or something.
Barry - Duh.. he doesn't look like Dad.
Charlie - No like someone else's Dad dick. Not ours.
Barry - He looks like the boss of all the policemen, firemen and the army.
Charlie - He talks like John Key.
Barry - No he doesn't.
Charlie - Yes he does you weren't even listening.
Likeability: 8/10
Jacinda Ardern
Barry - Isn't she already the Prime Minister or something?
Charlie - That's Bill English.
Barry - With the Pizza?
Charlie - We already talked about him Idiot.
Barry - Shut up butt cheek.
Likeability: 9/10
At this point, Barry punched Charlie in the side of the head and I was forced to terminate the remainder of the experiment.
So there you have it. In this groundbreaking research, all our politicians get high ratings. No one scored less than 7. But what does this mean for the 23rd of September?
Well if my two boys were the sole voters Grant Robertson would win because he got lost behind our house followed by Bill English because he made a pizza. Andrew Little would be rolled for losing his glasses. Someone would be hired to make the PM's dinner. Winston would do well because he's smiley. Jacinda would already have been prime minister at some point and Paula Bennett would be elected mum's cousin. Jonathan Coleman would get the policeman, fireman and army portfolios. David Seymour and Metiria Turei would be stricken from the ballot pre-vote after a fight.
Seems plausible. Maybe we should just cancel the election and go with that. Best democracy ever.
