Matt Heath: A great election result? Maybe yes, maybe no

Your victory could turn out to be a loss. Photo / 123RF

OPINION

Emotions tend to run hot after a general election. The question is, how will you deal with your victory or loss? Some of you will be happy right now, some unhappy; some will be screaming that it’s the end of the world. Personally, I feel nothing at all, as I am writing this article three days before voting day on the Eurostar between London and Paris. Unlike you, Monday readers, I do not know what happened in the election.

I have also missed much of the campaign. So, to gauge the feeling back home in the lead-up, I checked in on New Zealand X (the place that used to be called Twitter). If the mood there is anything to go by, we Kiwis have lost our minds. According to both sides, the other side is pure evil and plans to defecate on everything and everyone if they get in power.

Luckily, social media isn’t a representation of how people think. It’s more of an indication of how the most hysterical, digitally addicted and desperate for attention feel. Most in the real world, while opinionated and passionate, are also sane. However, if you are feeling good or bad about the election result (if there has been one), I’d like to share some philosophy that might help you to feel a bit better. It comes in the form of an ancient Chinese proverb my mum told me when I was just a wee boy.

A Chinese farmer and his son have one horse with which to work their land. One day, the son leaves the gate open and the precious horse bolts. A panicked neighbour yells across the fence, “This is the worst thing that could have happened. You won’t be able to farm your land!” The farmer calmly replies, “Maybe yes, maybe no.” The next morning, the horse wanders back in through the gate with four friends. The same neighbour screams at the farmer, “This is the best thing that has ever happened. You can now maintain the farm and make a fortune on the sale of these new horses!” The farmer replies, “Maybe yes, maybe no.” The following day, while trying to train one of the new horses, the farmer’s son is thrown to the ground and breaks both his legs. The emotional neighbour once again pipes in, “You are screwed, mate. How are you going to run the farm?” The farmer replies, “Maybe yes, maybe no.” A week later, the Emperor’s army arrives to conscript all the young men in the area for a bloody battle with little chance of survival. They don’t take the farmer’s son because of his injuries. The hysterical neighbour yells across the fence for the fourth time, “Come on buddy, you’ve got to admit this one is a good result!” The farmer replies, as he always does: “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

The lesson here from the ancient Chinese farmer and my mum is clear: if you are unhappy with the election result (whatever it was), you can take some solace in the fact you don’t know for sure how things will turn out from here. All kinds of counterintuitive ramifications can eventuate. Maybe having the people you voted against in power will finally show up their ideas to the public. A short-term loss could end up a long-term victory as their ideology is thrown out for a generation. On the other hand, if your people won, they may not do what you expect. It’s happened before. Your victory could turn out to be a loss.

So, if someone yells at you today, “What a fantastic election result!”, you should answer, “Maybe yes, maybe no.” If another person screams at you, “This is a bloody disaster, mate, our country is finished!”, answer, “Maybe yes, maybe no.” This won’t make you any friends. No one likes a fence-sitter. However, if we leave catastrophising to X addicts and instead allow ourselves to accept that outcomes are never certain, we might feel a little better today, whatever happened over the weekend.

At the time of writing, I also don’t know what will happen in the All Blacks v Ireland quarter-final. Pretty weird that you future people know this crucial result, and I don’t. This is different to the election. There’s no “maybe yes, maybe no” on this one. If the All Blacks lose, I plan to smash my TV. If we win, I’ll find Ian Foster and kiss him on the mouth.