Trinny and Susannah visitKEY POINTS:
Mandy Robinson suspected she was a cello. She wanted to be a vase, but when she was hauled up on stage by makeover mavens Trinny and Susannah, her suspicions were confirmed. Cello.
She'd come all the way from Cambridge to the Westfield mall in Glenfield to see the British duo whose latest book classifies women's shapes - cornet, apple, brick, vase, cello etc - and doles out advice on the right clothes for each shape.
And the 45-year-old left with some. "Now I know not to wear these crops," she said of her black, three-quarter-length trousers after a very public and good-natured dressing-down.
The women stacked 20-deep around the stage had all come for different reasons.
June Nicholls, 58, from the Hibiscus Coast had lost 40kg and wanted some guidelines.
"I think I might be a brick," she said. "But I wouldn't mind being an hourglass."
Michelle Faragher had crossed town from Titirangi because she "just wanted to see what they thought about me, because I don't feel I'm gorgeous and attractive".
The 26-year-old, who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when she was 16, was duly helped off her mobility scooter and on to the stage where Susannah classified her as a "skinny cello" and the pair whipped her into a coral and white halter-neck dress.
There were cheers and tears on both sides and Michelle - proud as punch in her new frock - raised her arms in triumph.
It was a fleeting moment of shopping mall magic conjured up by two posh British birds who, judging by the throngs of Kiwi women pressing against the cordon, manage to cross class and age divides.
This seems due, in part, to the fact they have no compunction about baring body bits most of us would rather keep to ourselves to illustrate their points.
In yesterday's boobs and bum-themed show, Trinny kicked off her wedges, then lifted the skirt of her dress to reveal her knee-length tights and her low "arse".
Buxom Susannah, who doesn't like her tummy, hitched up the skirt of her teal dress and grabbed a handful of stomach flesh. When the skirt was back down, the incredulous crowd watched as Trinny reached under and removed her knickers, which were replaced by a pair of tummy-grabbing Magic Knickers.
Their appeal is also due to their everywoman language. In the same way that the Toyota TV ad put "bugger" into our public lexicon, Trinny and Susannah have thrust "tits" and "arse" into the mainstream without, it seems, causing offence.
"I don't think they use fancy language," said June Nicholls. "They're quite natural."
And they validate women. "The thing you get from them," said 47-year-old Michelle Henderson from Titirangi, "is you don't cover your body shape up. Make the most of your boobs. 'Get those puppies out,' as they say."
Many of the women at yesterday's show had turned up early in the hopes of getting a spot up front and, you get the feeling, for a spot on stage.
Old and young, with baby buggies and strollers, they'd stood for almost an hour to hear the gospel and to have their clothes and their lives changed. No matter that Trinny and Susannah scared the bejesus out of most of them; no matter the high likelihood that their tits could be woman-handled - no one picked out for a makeover or advice yesterday seemed traumatised by the experience
Sixty-year-old Mavis thought she'd like to buy a new dress - just not in green like Trinny and Susannah put her in. Hazel, nearly 72, was off to Farmers to buy something smaller. Turns out she's been wearing clothes far too big. And chances are Sharon, a "goblet", will probably be off to buy a new bra after the merits of her current one were publicly debated.
Then it was time for Trinny and Susannah to go, although they didn't get very far down the mall.
Despite the sort of security that wouldn't look out of place during a presidential or prime ministerial visit, the minders couldn't prevent the inevitable - a gentle mobbing. It was a fitting farewell from the suburbs for true shopping mall royalty.
