Male students respond well to more involvement from dad

Jim Dale of Westlake Boys says the Good Man Project has made a difference to students. Picture / Dean Purcell

Two years after introducing the Good Man Project to his school, Jim Dale reckons he can already see the difference in the boys.

The headmaster of Westlake Boys' High School on the North Shore of Auckland believes Celia Lashlie's messages have given his students a new level of awareness and confidence.

More importantly, he believes, it has led to improved relationships between the boys and their fathers.

As part of the project, the school started a series of father and son breakfasts with guest speakers. The first was held in the school auditorium, but now demand is so high they have moved to an outside venue.

"It's galvanising for the dads and it reassures the sons," says Dale. "You can see the boys thinking, 'He wants to be involved in my life. He is sitting here with me and all my mates'."

Paul Brown, the father of two boys aged 19 and 14, says Lashlie's message was inspiring and has given him a greater understanding of his sons.

"It's given me an understanding there are times when young men want to be by themselves," says Brown. "There are times when it's quite okay for them to have their own company."

Graeme Perigo, who has a 17-year-old at the school, says the project reinforced in him the importance of being a role model and mentor. Even though fathers are often in a busy part of their career during their son's teenage years, it is important for dad to be around.

Sons need to explore boundaries by themselves, but when they "see over the edge, you have to be there for them", says Perigo.

Mothers admit that Lashlie's message about them taking a step back is hard to accept.

"As mothers, we're born to take care of our kids and all of a sudden we're told, 'Take a step back'," says Sandra White, a mother of three boys. "It's hard."

But after hearing Lashlie speak about the project, White says she tried to do it and found it worthwhile.

"I actually found that by asking fewer questions [of her boys], I got much more information."

As a co-founder of the project, Nelson College headmaster Salvi Gargiulo says he is glad issues involving teenage boys are being talked about.

"But unless we continue the conversations as a society and identify we have a problem, it will be a waste of time for all."