KEY POINTS:
The Mad Butcher picks up his cellphone and rings Prime Minister Helen Clark.
It rings, then goes to voicemail.
"Oh, Prime Minister, Mad Butcher calling. I just want to thank you for giving up your time to launch my book. The greatest gift a human being can give another is time and I really appreciate it'cause I know you don't get much quality time with your husband."
The Mad Butcher, also known as Peter Charles Leitch QSM, was thanking her in advance for launching his book What A Ride, Mate! on Thursday night. And showing the Weekend Herald that, yes, he really can and does just ring her up.
So, does Helen Clark call him Mad Butcher or does she use his real name?
"She calls me a bit of both. It's the same with me to her - sometimes it's Prime Minister, sometimes it's Helen Clark."
The Mad Butcher said Helen Clark is "a leaguie" just like him and he often rings her up to invite her to Warriors games.
He asked her to write the foreword to the book, and she said, "Butcher, I'll launch it for you, too."
It was "humbling, mate".
Will he vote for her? "No comment."
That the book, written by Phil Gifford, has been done is also "humbling, mate" as well, particularly because the Mad Butcher suffers from dyslexia - or "dylexia" as he calls it.
"For the boy who left school at 16, with 'dylexia' - and I still don't know me alphabet or times table at my age of life - it's a dream come true.
"Its called What a Ride, Mate! The 'r' is around the wrong way - cause I've got 'dylexia'." It traverses the Mad Butcher's life - the rags-to-riches tale of butcher to millionaire retail giant, with parallel passions for league, charity, family and "mates".
He has read it: "I can read but I can't absorb."
There are some surprises in the book, including how he once felt suicidal because of business difficulties.
"I'd lost a lot of money. I sat there and I thought 'this is embarrassing' and all that sort of bullshit. I had my head up me arse and took me eye off the ball. Luckily I snapped out of it."
Is he the Mad Butcher at home? Does he say out loud, "The Mad Butcher wants a cup of tea," when he's watching his favourite show Emmerdale Farm?
"You never mention your name at home. But the Mad Butcher is me. It's not an act. It's me, mate. I don't turn it off."
Thursday's book launch was on the Mad Butcher's 64th birthday - "I can't wait to get me pension."
There was also a touch of sadness after the recent death of his brother, Gary, from bowel cancer. The Mad Butcher is donating the book proceeds to the Breast Cancer Foundation and Allergies New Zealand - his wife of 40 years, Janice, battled the disease, and grandson Reuben has allergies that could kill him. Both received cheques for $12,500.
The launch featured Mad Butcher Lion Red and, of course, sausages and bread.
Helen Clark arrived as the band fittingly played Down in the Boondocks. "I love her, she loves me. But I don't fit in her society," went the lyrics. "Lord have mercy on the boy from down in the boondocks."
Helen Clark described how she and the Mad Butcher came to Auckland at the same time in the 1960s - she as a boarder at Epsom Girls Grammar, he as a grave-digger at Purewa Cemetery.
As a young MP she worked with schoolboy league in Pt Chevalier and Mt Albert, and her love of the game put her in her the same circles as the Mad Butcher.
Helen Clark, who has won the meat raffle in the Mad Butcher's Lounge at Mt Smart, said he was "one of the most remarkable networkers in the country".
He was "one of our great legends" and an "authentic Kiwi character".
"I've never seen anybody promote sausages like this man."
The Mad Butcher responded in typical style.
"I wouldn't be the Prime Minister for all the tea in f***ing China," he said. "Sorry Prime Minister, it just slipped out."
BUTCHERISMS
On beating the Kangaroos 24-0 in the 2005 Tri-Nations final:
"I remember Bluey [coach Brian McClennan] and me going out on to the field and Bluey put his arm around me and said: 'I love winning f***ing finals.' I put my arm around him and said: 'You know what Bluey, I love f***ing winning finals too'."
On swearing:
"Swearing is only a word. Why get upset about it? Do you get upset about it? I say f**k a lot. I'd be more worried about guys out there committing all the crimes."
On the Killer Beez gang bust:
"All those people, all drug pushers. Mate, It scared me. I've never even smoked marijuana. A bloke said to me the other days 'why haven't you smoked it Mad Butcher?' I said: 'Because its illegal."'
On the loss of Bluey McClennan to the Kiwis:
"A disgrace. He's the Messiah. His time will come."
On why he wouldn't work for the New Zealand Rugby League:
"Too many backstabbers and trouble-makers lurking in the shadows. I've got better things to do with my life."
On politics:
"Politics and religion are taboo, mate, taboo."
On voting:
"'Cause when the men went away and fought the wars it was to give us the right to vote so if you don't vote you're not doing them a service."
On the Mad Butcher nickname:
"Tim Bickerstaff gave it to me after a guy walked into the pub and said 'there's the mad butcher'."
On giving evidence in defence of Tea Ropati:
"It was a difficult time for me. Some people abused me over it. Would I do it again? Absolutely."
On his favourite Kiwis player of all time:
"So many, mate. Olsen Fillipana, Stacey Jones, Monty Betham. I love them all."
