Littler resolutions are, easier they are to keep

It's that time of year again - time to go eye to eye with the scales, the guilty pleasures of life, the right side of the brain, and say, "Bring it on".

New Year resolutions range from perennials - "lose weight, get fit, stop smoking" - to the completely out of character, such as Don Brash vowing to wear more tie-dyed muslin shirts in the House. But they all stick around only as long as the hangover from the alcohol, which encouraged the resolution in the first place.

Health and sports dietitian Jeni Pearce says resolutions beat the resolver because they are far too lofty and unrealistic.

"People go in with an 'I'm going to be perfect' attitude.

"Then, when we hit the slightest glitch, we feel like we've failed so we stop doing anything with any resemblance to the resolution.

"You eat one biscuit and then say, 'Well, I've broken it now so I'll eat 10'."

Ms Pearce writes a list of 10 things and resolves to do at least three over the year. Number one this year is to take more long weekends.

Break the resolution down into bite-sized chunks.

Instead of "end world hunger", have "buy a Live Aid CD from which the profits go to some aid outfit somewhere".

Instead of the generic "get fit", try "walk up the stairs except when wearing 10cm stilettos".


Learn to dance

Replaces "lose weight".

Norm Hewitt lost so much weight during Dancing with the Stars that he bordered on praying-mantis stature by the end. Enrol now and beat the inevitable post-Dancing with the Stars II rush. Also helps with resolution No 2 - stave off dementia.


Read some modern classics

Instead of junk food novels and trashy magazines.

Replaces "stave off dementia".

If you read them at university, read them again. They're a lot more enjoyable without having to hand in an essay at the end.

Professor Wystan Curnow from Auckland University's English department recommends as starter classics F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby and Ernest Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises.

He also likes James Joyce's Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man for a bit of "classic Irish angst" and because it's a lot easier to read in a hammock than Ulysses.

Franz Kafka's The Trial is "a bit grim but fantastic and one of the first political horror novels of modern times" and Jack Kerouac's On the Road is a good one for the boys.

For chick lit you can read without hiding the cover, get Jean Rhys' Wide Sargasso Sea.

Other "beat dementia" replacements advocated by Alzheimers support groups are doing the crossword, going to art galleries and actually reading the blurb under the painting, playing cards, and going to plays.


Lose weight/ get fit/ blah blah blah

Jeni Pearce suggests one small change a week rather than an instant makeover. Four to start with:

Use less spread on bread.

Dilute fruit juice with water, soda water or sparkling mineral water.

Cut down on salt "just once across the plate, not three times around it like a crop duster".

Lowest-calorie alcohol is brandy, gin and vodka. Use heaps of ice to cut down on the sugar-loaded mixers.


Get into the society pages of a newspaper or magazine

Replaces "get famous".

Make friends with people who organise parties or launches in the television, movie, theatre, fashion or art worlds. Stand behind Charlotte Dawson or anyone skinny and pretty. Distort face to make it look as if you're talking or laughing loudly.


Stop smoking

Sorry, there is no bite-sized replacement. Just stop. Ring Quitline on 0800 778 778 and get some little patches to help you on your way. It's Government- sponsored, so also makes up for missing out on those tax cuts. Think of them as the smiley face stickers you would walk over fire to get at primary school.


Get a tattoo

Replaces "do something wild".

If you think this will make you edgy, think again. Tattoos are so mainstream that tattoo artists at an international convention in New York in May this year expressed concern that it was losing its subversive, non-conformist nature.

That Tweety Bird tattoo on your left hip won't help. So, if you already have a tattoo, maybe get it removed.