Listen, learn and avoid trouble

Disagreements are an uncomfortable but natural part of any relationship, so it should be no surprise to find differences of opinion in the workplace. But if you regularly return home feeling that you need a number of stiff drinks to obliterate the hellish day, or you're continually vowing to find a new job, there are obviously issues that are not being dealt with. And rather than thinking that this level of aggravation is a natural part of working life, it's time to start doing something about it.

A survey conducted last year by the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD) in Britain reveals that for every 2000 staff employed, 450 days of management time are lost every year. And this figure does not take into account the significant associated costs of mismanaged conflict, such as lost productivity, sickness absence and higher-than-expected turnover of employees.

"The problem is that line managers frequently shy away from intervening at an early stage because of a perception of complex disciplinary and grievance laws," says Ben Willmott, CIPD adviser. "Where there is friction, they ignore it and then end up going to human resources, where it becomes a formal, confrontational issue."

What's often lacking in conflict resolution, says Dr Mike Drayton, the clinical and business psychologist, is the individual and team support.

"When there's lots of conflict in a group, the forum for communication between team members is usually inadequate or doesn't exist," he says.

"Overwork, inflexible meetings and bullying frequently compound the problem, so people don't feel able to communicate freely."

There is, he says, a need for a climate where opinions and beliefs can be aired. "People who are not allowed to voice their resentment will find other ways of showing it, perhaps by deliberately sabotaging the work or getting very stressed and going off sick," he says.

But conflicts, he says, are inevitable, as organisations are a hotbed of emotions. People's personalities and the way they describe themselves is often bagged up with occupation. "Individuals' own sense of identity is commonly tied very closely to their job," he says. "So if a person believes you're attacking their role and the quality of their work, you're actually attacking the integrity of their personality."

With so many personal and organisational elements in the mix, resolving conflict is inescapably complex. Apart from team support, there is a need for emotional maturity and self-control, which can be difficult when one person is intent on throttling another. "People often do want to find a way forward, but what it needs is a third person to point out the strengths and weaknesses in both sides. If you can get both sides listening to each other, you're more likely to find a way forward."

If you're not lucky enough to have a line manager skilled in mediation, and few are, then you can try dealing with a disagreement yourself, before it escalates. Take a step back, suggests Drayton, make time for yourself outside of the office and start using your brain rather than exercising your emotions. Recognise your own feelings and needs. "Then talk to people with a view to understanding their position, maybe what their fears are and what's motivating their behaviour," he says. "Listen to them rather than trying to argue or reassure them.

"In conflict, people get upset that they're not understood by the other person. But in order to get somebody to understand, you first have to understand their position. If you make an effort with this, the other person then sees that you are genuinely listening."

It leads to more open communication. But he acknowledges that it's difficult to deal with conflict alone.

Willmott suggests that managers can help reduce conflict by avoiding a dictatorial style, listening to staff and realising that communication is a two-way process. Ensuring there is adequate support for people, so they can raise issues, is also essential. "If line managers are trained in conflict management and mediation skills, they are more comfortable intervening when a problem arises and can prevent it escalating," he says.

- INDEPENDENT