KEY POINTS:
Dear Dodo KOMPHOLT, Marylee Sherley, Bradley GREINITZ, Uljana STITZEL, Nele Ramm, Nanni Kracht, Floretta UNTERBERGER and many, many other people with Germanic sounding names and a strange tendency to spell their surnames in capital letters,
Thank you for the many, many emails you have sent me with the most helpful advice on purchasing genuine replica Rolex watches that look like the real thing but cost only a few hundred dollars. What a bargain! Your enthusiastic influx of messages into my inbox, often 20 or 30 a day, has certainly given me something to think about with Christmas approaching.
I must say, however, that some things you say in your flood of emails confused me. While I fully understand how one of your beautiful replica Rolex watches might appeal to "my new girlfriend", I'm actually married and have been for some time and this new girlfriend could be something of an issue between myself and my wife. Possibly you have me confused with someone else.
Also the bit where you say "She won't be able to take her eyes off your wrist!" worries me, in that being with someone who could stare only at my watch would be quite disconcerting after only a short period of time, I feel.
So thank you for the opportunity to look "rich and stylish" and even though you say "smart people never pay twice", I'm going to have to go with the not paying once option and wish you good luck on the whole replica Rolex front.
Regards, James Griffin.
Dear Connie Valencia,
Thank you for your lovely email entitled: "You are nominated for the MBA!" Wow! I had no idea I was even eligible for the MBA! I guess by saying "100 per cent No Pre-School qualification required!" you're rather well acquainted with the New Zealand educational system. Unfortunately, as much as I look forward to studying for my "MasteerMBA" or even my "PhDD (non-accredited)", I'm going to have to pass on this remarkable offer as I'm a tad busy right now.
Regards, James Griffin.
Dear Juliette Rudd,
With regards to your email entitled: "roulette wheel rental" I currently have no need for a roulette wheel, but thank you for thinking of me and good luck in the roulette wheel rental business, especially in these problematic economic times.
Regards, James Griffin.
Dear Chrystal Vilegas, Thaddeus Hudson, Imelda Wang, Sadie Trevino and many others,
Thank you for all the heart-felt emails bringing me up-to-date with the whole issue of global medication pricing and how drugs are much cheaper and much more reliable when purchased online from Canada. I had no idea this was the case and I will certainly keep your kind words of advice in mind the next time I'm pondering picking up some Panadol from the supermarket.
Do you have Snifters up there in Canada? I know they're not strictly drugs but there are a lot of people here currently going through withdrawal symptoms, so they might as well be.
Regards, James Griffin.
Dear Rosemarie Witt,
Re your email "If you are an office worker, we know about your problems", how exactly do you know? As many of your suggested solutions to office worker-related problems seem to involve enhancing certain parts of the male anatomy, questions must be asked as to whether you have hidden cameras in office bathrooms all over the world. And what if you are a female office worker with problems? Please clarify.
Regards, James Griffin.
Dear Chastity Gage,
I am unsure what you mean in your email entitled "make her moan with pleasure" as, in my experience, many things can make a woman react in such a way. Chocolate and to-die-for shoes are two things that spring to mind. Please be more specific.
Regards, James Griffin.
Dear spam people,
With regards to the monumental amount of crap that ends up in my spam file daily, honestly, what planet do you people live on? How stupid do you think we are? What are you trying to achieve by bombarding us with this nonsense? And exactly how low is the lowest common denominator of your marketing strategy? Amoeba level?
Give up and go away, James Griffin.
