Northland tourist Patrick Shepheard is desperate to know what has happened to the badly burnt man he comforted for three hours in the ruins of a Bali nightclub on Sunday.
He fears he may be dead.
The man was burnt from head to toe and in such pain he could barely speak.
Mr Shepheard said he survived the double bomb blast outside the Sari Club because he was protected by a concrete pillar. Hundreds of others were not as lucky. An estimated 181 have been confirmed dead and hundreds of others were badly burnt or injured.
Mr Shepheard was with friends Andrew Warrington and Donna Walters when the first of two blasts rocked the Sari Club and Paddy's Bar across the road.
Ms Walters disappeared after the first blast. Unknown to Mr Shepheard, she got out unscathed and made it to the hotel where Mr Shepheard's fiancee, Julia Warrington, was staying.
Andrew Warrington was cut and bruised.
Mr Shepheard believes he was saved from serious injury by the concrete pillar and the table which thumped down on top of him after the first blast.
When the blast subsided Mr Shepheard crawled out from under the table and viewed a sight of bloody human carnage he said would live with him forever.
"I could not believe I was in one piece.
"We saw people around us blown to bits."
He said people were frantic to get out and he likened it to a herd of frightened antelope trying to cross a river.
"People were jumping on top of each other."
As he made his way out of the bar, he stood on a burnt man he had not seen.
"He screamed and I picked him up and carried him out. He was totally burnt from head to toe.
"I stayed with him for three hours putting water on him, putting water on his lips and talking to him. The ambulances did not come for three hours. It was disgusting. A man in front of us died and they just covered him up."
Mr Shepheard and Mr Warrington wanted to keep the burnt man talking so he did not go into shock and die.
"I got out of him his name was Dave. He was from North Carolina and he had two kids -- an 18-year-old boy and a 14-year-old girl.
"That was all I got out of him but I would love to find out if he was still alive.
"I want to find him."
He said emotionally it was unbearably hard to watch people die and to watch Dave in such agony from his burns when he could do so little to help.
Yet there is another image burnt into his mind which he would carry to his grave.
Before the blast, four blonde English women in the bar, about 24 and obviously on their "big OE," asked him to take their picture.
"They were having the time of their life and I took a photograph of them.
"I gave the camera back to them but I can never, ever get that image out of my head.
"They cannot have survived. If they had left they would have survived. If they had stayed where they were, they could not possibly have survived."
For Dave from North Carolina, the best Mr Shepheard and Mr Warrington could do for him was to give him Panadeine they found among some tablets produced by someone in the bar.
"He was burnt from head to toe, totally. All his skin was coming off."
Mr Shepheard said the next day he was a total mess.
Today as he spoke from his hotel room, there were several long silences as he worked on his composure, but he said today he had calmed down a lot.
"But it is still quite unbelievable. I still can't believe it could happen in Bali."
As he sat for three hours with the burnt man, he had no idea what had happened to Ms Walters or if Ms Warrington was all right.
Several hours later he discovered that Ms Walters got out after the first blast and was unhurt.
After Dave was eventually taken away in an ambulance, Mr Shepheard and Mr Warrington went to the nearest hospital where Mr Warrington had a cut in his arm stitched.
"The hospital was unreal.
"It was like an abattoir.
"I was looking for Donna and I was talking to a French girl. She had lost her boyfriend and all her friends. She had just walked into the bar when the bomb went off.
He said he had changed forever.
"Little things do not worry me any more."
He also believes New Zealand will not be spared a terrorist attack.
"We all assume we are in a safe little place. It is coming to us. If it can come to Bali ... I don't think we are safe any more," he said.
- NZPA
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Foreign Affairs advice to New Zealanders
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* Foreign Affairs Hotline: 0800 432 111
Feature: Bali bomb blast
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