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Michele Paterson had planned this Christmas around her youngest son Reuben's return. She had not seen him since January 2006, when he left to spend two years in Namibia with his dad Grant, stepmother Coralee and sister Sarah.
Her plans to mark his homecoming to Warkworth, north of Auckland, were shattered when he died in a car crash on November 5.
Reuben, 13, was in the back seat, alongside his sister and her boyfriend, Ed, when the car being driven by his father ploughed into a gully.
Ed, the only one conscious after the crash, crawled out of the wreckage to find Reuben dead.
Michele says: "Ed said he had a smile on his face. That's some consolation I suppose."
The mother-of-six told the Herald on Sunday she was "devastated".
"I was looking forward to seeing his face ... I can't explain, I am just hanging on."
Reuben was cremated in Namibia on Wednesday but Michele says she could not face attending the service. His sisters Rachell, 27, and Rebecca, 23, are bringing home his ashes.
The family has planted a magnolia tree outside their kitchen window and will put a plaque next to it in his honour.
They also plan a memorial service for a boy who was popular in the community, Michele says.
"He knew everybody. He was always knocking on someone's door to chop wood or make hay. He was just a lovely boy."
Reuben had become fluent in Afrikaans but stayed true to his Kiwi roots, teaching his 40 schoolmates the haka.
Before going to Namibia, he attended Kaipara Flats Primary School where he was known for his drawings.
Former teacher Christine Wilson remembered him as a helpful and caring pupil.
"It's just unbelievable. No one copes with this sort of thing."
The cause of the accident is still unknown. Grant and Coralee, the front seat passenger, suffered serious injuries that left them in a coma.
Sarah had head injuries and ligament damage and was in coma for a couple of days.
However, she is expected to be home for Christmas.
Although Reuben won't be, the presents already bought for him will still be placed under the tree.
The family had cleaned up his bike in anticipation of his return and planned to buy him a quad bike.
"I was just so grateful to have had him, even for such a short time," said Michele. " He was an unusual and unique child, he was just beautiful."
