Kids coping with nightmare

18 Sep, 2001 08:24 PM4 mins to read

As the world reels from last week's terror attacks, REBECCA WALSH looks at how parents can help their children deal with the media frenzy that has been unleashed.

Six-year-old Kirsten Harvey was meant to start her first day at a new school in Brooklyn, New York, on Tuesday, September 11.

Instead she watched the towers of the World Trade Center crumble to the ground.

Two hours later she was busy telling her grandparents in New Zealand what she had seen.

"She said, 'Oh poppops, I think one person was killed. It's awful'," remembers her grandfather, the Rev William R. Harvey, the interim minister at Somervell Presbyterian Church in Remuera.

"I think she was trying to fold it down to something she could handle. She can't think in terms of thousands. But it was a tough day for her."

Around the world, millions of children have watched images of the two planes ploughing into the twin towers and people jumping from the burning buildings.

And as the United States and its allies ready themselves for war, more disturbing footage is inevitable.

But what impact does this have on children? How can parents explain what is happening and should they monitor what their children watch?

Psychologists and child therapists spoken to by the Herald say New Zealand children and adolescents, although not directly involved, are likely to experience a range of feelings.

Very young children won't understand what has happened but older children may feel sad and confused. They will struggle to understand - like many adults - why some people would deliberately want to kill themselves. Some children may worry about whether it could happen to them, says Auckland psychologist Sara Chatwin.

Children who have suffered significant trauma in their lives may relive that experience.

Others may revert to behaviour patterns of younger children or need more attention and comfort from their parents.

Ms Chatwin says parents need to be honest about what is happening and use simple, concrete language.

"I would say to them, 'there's a terrible thing happened in the United States. A lot of people have been hurt or killed ... people are upset. This is a really sad situation'."

She says it is best to stick to facts rather than speculate about what could happen. Gauge what children know by what they ask and talk to them about what they have seen on television or in the newspapers. Keep things in proportion.

There is no need to go into the politics of the situation when talking to younger children, as they won't understand. Teenagers are more likely to take on board some political and historical information. Talking about tolerance is also important.

But parents shouldn't be afraid of telling their children they don't understand why the terrorists flew the planes into the buildings or what will happen next.

With images of the carnage repeated again and again on television, it is a good idea to monitor what children watch.

"Sit in and see what they are watching. Be there and make sure it's appropriate for them. A lot of parents do seem to have relinquished that. It's called guidance," Ms Chatwin says.

Katrina Berntsen, a child therapist for the Auckland City Mission's child trauma programme, says children look to their parents' reaction and it's fine for parents to show they are sad or upset. But the children shouldn't be overwhelmed with adult feelings.

Clinical psychologist Brigid Barrer points out that in many ways the attack on the US is more traumatic for adults as they understand the implications.

Ms Berntsen, who works with children up to the age of 12 who have experienced recent trauma from seeing their parents killed to having the family home burgled, says children need to be reassured that people are working on solutions to try to make sure it doesn't happen again.

"You have to offer them some security around their safety as much as you can."

Drawing pictures or writing poems and stories can help.

How parents can help

* Be honest and use simple, age-appropriate language.

* Monitor what children watch on television.

* Gauge what your children know. Be there to answer their questions.

* Reassure them people are trying hard to work it out.

* Doing a drawing or writing a story might help.

* Carry on with normal routines.

* Talk about politics and tolerance with older children and teenagers.

Map: Opposing forces in the war against terror

Pictures: Day 1 | Day 2