Karl Puschmann: Will Avatar 2 be any good? Don’t bet on it

Walking tall: Neytiri and Jake return in Avatar 2. Photo / Supplied

Film nerds like to say never bet against director James Cameron. Well, I once bet on James Cameron and lost the guts of $20. The year was 2009. The film was in 3D. The movie was called Avatar. It stunk.

Like the rest of the world, I was jazzed to see Avatar. Cameron’s 1991 classic Terminator 2: Judgement Day had been a transformative cinema-going experience when I saw it on the big screen as a fresh-faced 14-year-old. A few years later I went and saw his Arnie-led action-comedy True Lies. While not on the same level as T2 it was still an explosively fun time. Then he made Titanic, which I skipped because history had spoiled the ending.

And then? Nothing. For more than a decade, Cameron all but disappeared. I think he was in a very little submarine puttering about at the bottom of Lake Taupō or something.

And then? Avatar. 2009 was the year James Cameron, the action-movie master, finally made his triumphant return to the action-sci-fi genre. It was a big deal and the hype train had gone into overdrive. Avatar was being touted as a true movie epic. The beginning of a fresh new saga for the noughties that was bigger, better, bolder and bluer than any that had come before.

Not only that, we were told it was a technological marvel that would transform the cinematic-going experience by reintroducing audiences to the dusty old b-movie gimmick of 3D. Cinemas had to buy expensive new projectors just to be able to screen it for crying out loud.

There was no doubt about it, James Cameron was making Avatar to kick ass, blow minds and chew gum. And James Cameron was all out of gum.

You bet I was pumped. The first weekend of its release I went to the cinema. I handed over my money, put on the chunky 3D glasses they gave me and entered the theatre buzzing to have my mind blown and my adrenaline charged.

Maybe Avatar really did blow my mind because I struggle to remember anything much about it. It certainly bored me out of my brain, I remember that much. Sure, it looked pretty but it was long and cliched and hammy. Worst of all, it was dull. The 3D effect was admittedly impressive but for all the ballyhoo about it I was still surprised at how quickly the novelty wore off. I certainly can’t recall any “wow!” moments - aside from “wow, this is bad, when will it end?”

I could not recommend Avatar. Most critics did. This very paper gave it 5 stars, saying: “Go see. Be amazed” while also admitting the story was “as old as time”. Local movie website Flicks also gave it 5 stars, calling it “an experience” but also conceding that “the story rarely strays from classic formula”. Overseas critics sang from the same songbook with Total Film calling it, “much more than a film. It’s a prescribed cinematic experience. Pure effect.”

In the end, that’s all Avatar had going for it; pure yawn-inducing effect. There was no substance to its style. Nothing behind the CGI bells and whistles. It promised something we’d never seen and delivered everything we’d seen a million times before. Its legacy was not, as claimed, to be the next Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. How could it be? No one aside from James Cameron has even spoken about Avatar for the last 13 years. It may be the second highest-grossing film of all time but it’s been outside of the conversation since it left cinemas back in 2009.

It’s telling that Avatar made oodles of money but that there was no real demand, fan petitions or social media campaigns for a sequel. But here we are anyway, with Avatar 2: The Way of Water coming out next Thursday and 3 and 4 deep in production. James Cameron is already talking about his plans for Avatars 5, 6 and 7.

The first wave of reviews came out yesterday and they sounded very familiar. Critics were left gushing. “These visuals are mind-blowing,”, one wrote, “visually breathtaking,” stated another, “a never-ending visual spectacle”, declared a third. One critic was so overwhelmed I think his mind wasn’t just blown, it was critically injured, writing that Avatar 2, “was like remembering you can dream. To breathe, cry. To believe in hope again.”

Golly. Sounds pretty good. But then again, so did the first one.

But once again the hype boat has left the dock. Avatar 2 will probably make a bajillion dollars. Everyone will see it, but will anyone remember anything that happens in it?

For me, the lasting impact of Avatar was that it ushered in our current cinematic age, where “experience” is favoured over story. In the pre-Avatar times we used to get both. To add insult to injury it was James Cameron himself who made some of the very best examples. They say never bet against James Cameron but you know what, I’m not really much of a betting man.