‘Just wanted to be a good wife’: Woman sentenced for suicide pact after husband’s death

The man's body was found on Pt Chevalier Beach in February 2021. His wife was found on the beach nearby. Photo / Peter Meecham

Warning: This story contains distressing content and deals with suicide

“Blinded by love” and in the throes of depression, facing unemployment and his electricity being switched off, an Auckland man agreed to end his life alongside his wife in a macabre suicide pact at one of his favourite beaches.

“It seemed like the right thing to do,” she would later tell police.

The couple travelled by car with a blanket and pillows, bottles of Corona beer, and stopped to pick up shots of tequila and Sambuca on their way to Auckland’s Pt Chevalier Beach, where the man had visited with his family as a child.

They hugged each other as they said their final farewells, sometime after 9pm on February 3, 2021.

She didn’t want anyone she knew to find them and hoped the tide would “take them away”, a summary of facts states.

“She thought if it wasn’t the tide it would be a shark.”

About 6.30am the next morning, the man’s body was found lying on his back on the beach. The woman was found nearby.

“She was alive but drifting in and out of consciousness. She was covered in grazes, cuts and bruises.”

Nearly two years later, police charged the woman with being party to a suicide pact. She pleaded guilty at an earlier hearing and appeared for sentencing today in Auckland District Court where she was ordered to undergo 18 months of intensive supervision and granted permanent name suppression.

Judge Stephen Bonnar said the court must denounce the woman’s offending and the “moral wrongness” of taking any human life.

And although the woman was a willing participant in the suicide pact, she was also a victim, he said.

“The best way you can honour your husband is to heal yourself. I hope that you can find some peace and I hope that you can find some joy in your life. If you do that then something positive can come out of this terrible tragedy.”

The man’s family are still traumatised by grief at the loss of their beloved son and brother.

In a victim impact statement, his mother said her world was shattered and she was angry that her “favourite” boy was gone forever.

“I am sure there was a different way. I have so many questions. Questions I would like to have answers for. The strongest is: ‘Why did [the wife] not get help for [the husband] instead of taking him to the beach that day?’”

They planned it together

Court documents obtained by the Herald reveal sombre details of the couple’s relationship and their plan to die together.

They had been together for more than 30 years, and the husband had suffered mental health problems for decades.

The summary of facts says he had attempted suicide six times while living in Australia. After the last attempt, the wife ended their relationship and the husband returned to New Zealand, rekindling connections with family.

She later returned to New Zealand and the couple resumed their relationship in Auckland.

In 2020, the man was diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands and forced to stop working for six months because of intense pain. His job was terminated later that year.

The couple made a pact to die together after receiving a letter advising their electricity was going to be disconnected. Photo / Dean Purcell

After his termination he told his wife, “I can’t go on”. The pair were struggling financially, relying on Work and Income benefits to pay their rent.

“In late December 2020, [the husband] and [the wife] sat in the car with a beer each and had a discussion about them both ending their lives. [The wife] described it as being the right thing to do for both of them.”

About a week before the man’s death, the couple received a letter from their power company advising that their electricity would be disconnected on February 5, 2021, because of unpaid bills.

“This letter was enough to finalise the decision to end their lives together,” the summary of facts says.

Days later, the man picked up the power bill and asked his wife what the date was. When she told him it was February 3, he replied, “Perfect”, and they made plans to commit suicide at the beach.

After the pair were discovered the next morning, the wife was taken to Waitakere Hospital for treatment and later received care in a mental health unit.

A police investigation was launched but family were initially told the woman would not be prosecuted, before police eventually determined there was sufficient evidence to lay the rare suicide pact charge, which carries a maximum penalty of five years’ imprisonment.

“In explanation, [the wife] stated that both she and [the husband] discussed ending their lives together. It seemed like it was the right thing to do for both of them, but it was what [the husband] wanted. She just wanted to be a good wife.”

‘Blinded by love’

The man’s sister told the Herald her “awesome” brother was “blinded by love”.

“She was the one. Whatever she did, she could no wrong.”

However, the sister said in her opinion, the couple’s relationship was toxic, and the woman was manipulative.

After returning to New Zealand, she claims that her brother had been happy, with strong family bonds. He’d found employment and bought a car.

But he lost connection with his family after the woman followed him to Auckland, stopped taking his medication and “went downhill”.

The sister said Pt Chevalier Beach was a place her brother had memories of from childhood.

Upon learning of her brother’s death, the sister broke the news to their mother, who broke down screaming and crying.

The sister then visited the wife in hospital to support her and find out what had happened.

“She just said, ‘We planned to do it together’, but something changed.

“She told us that she held [the husband’s] head while he floated away.

“At the hospital, she said, ‘I’m still going to go to [the husband]’, but a day later she said, ‘Oh no, that ship has sailed’.”

The sister said the family were adamant in their belief that her brother would still be alive if the woman had not reentered his life.

They now wanted nothing to do with her and hoped to see justice done.

The mother’s victim impact statement described learning of her son’s death.

“I felt helpless. I was confused. I did not know what happened.”

She was “lost” in the weeks after, unable to sleep or eat, trying to find answers for the loss of her only son.

“You ask me how I feel? I am wondering how do you feel as a mother when you have lost your son? No words in the world can truly describe my feelings. My world is shattered. I am trying to put the pieces back together.”

She said she was “broken”.

“Knowing that he will never call me again, that I will never see him again, breaks my heart.

“I miss my boy every day. I am looking at his pictures thinking, ‘You little bugger, you left us too soon’.”

‘Terrible tragedy’

Judge Bonnar said the case involved two competing values.

“The court must send a clear message on behalf of the community that life is a precious gift and it must not be squandered. But a court that delivers justice on behalf of the community must never abandon mercy.”

He said the summary of facts made tragic reading and he acknowledged the pain felt by both families.

The law criminalised the survivor in suicide pact cases to send a message that life was sacred “and that society requires that people not encourage each other to take their own life”.

But it was clear that the wife was wrestling with her own mental health demons, being diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorders, and assessed at high ongoing risk of suicide.

She now felt “hopeless, helpless, worthless and very guilty”.

Bonnar said while the wife conspired with her husband on the plan and was a willing participant, the husband was the “principal instigator”.

A sentence of intensive supervision was appropriate to help her get the support she needed, and it was right to permanently suppress her name because of her ongoing vulnerability and risk.

The couple’s adult son travelled to New Zealand for the sentencing and a victim impact statement was read out on his behalf.

He said he was broken by news of his father’s death and remained “extremely frustrated” by the decision his parents took that day.

His mother had provided love and compassion over the years and the son needed her to move forward with his own life.

“Should my dad be here today to speak he would want as much love and compassion for my mum and always has.

“We only have each other. I really need my mum and she really needs me.”