Which brings me back to Hill.
In the alleged exchanges, he supposedly asked Brady to remove images from her Instagram page that showed “her ass in a thong” while surfing. The now infamous list also included telling her not to surf with men or post pictures of herself in a bathing suit. The irony is that she’s a professional surfer/instructor.
I actually snort laughed when I read the toxic list of demands. One of my favourites was, “friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past beyond getting a lunch or coffee or something respectful”.
I tried to put myself in Brady’s shoes and imagine what I would have done if I was 25 years old and had just begun dating a man 12 years my senior.
How might I have reacted to a much older, well-loved, respected man allegedly telling me he wants to pursue a relationship with me and proceeds to tell me what his boundaries are? I’d like to think I’d have the ability to cut through the crap and call a spade a spade, or in this case, recognise, what in my opinion is misogynistic manipulation at play.
Therapy jargon appears to have been used to try to make Brady feel like she was the one being unreasonable. Things like, “I’m just trying to communicate my needs” or “I’m trying to be mindful of my boundaries”. However, in my opinion, the messages were not mindful or respectful.
The way I see it, it was mind control games and I hate to use the term as it’s thrashed to death, but it was absolute gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the abuser tries to make the victim question their own reality by denying their experiences, making them feel crazy, or making them feel like they are the problem.
The chatter online has been fierce, and I’ll be the first to admit that I have thoroughly enjoyed some of the humorous takes at Hill’s expense, yet a small part of me feels guilty for laughing.
After all, not that long ago Hill released a documentary series made up of candid conversations between him and his therapist, Phil Stutz. It’s a series dedicated to Hill’s personal struggles with his own mental health while also providing actionable advice and tips that viewers can apply to their lived experiences.
As someone who very openly shares my own personal struggles with clinical depression, I do wonder how this latest scandal will impact Hill’s mental health.
However, having struggles with mental health doesn’t magically excuse a person from inflicting alleged harmful behaviour towards their significant other.
I’m grateful to Sarah Brady for having the courage to speak up.
The discussions that have ensued online about toxic relationships and how to recognise an emotionally controlling and abusive relationship have been important.
This whole saga is now a pop culture case study on what to avoid in a relationship. PS if you’re in a relationship, and your other half defends these types of “boundaries”, run, don’t walk.
