John Dybvig: Tempers fray because winning matters in kids' sport

Not every kid wants to play sport just for fun - there are plenty of kids who want to win. Photo / Michael Craig

Whenever spectators get out of control all of a sudden "winning" becomes the whipping boy like it's a bad thing.

I know I'm a dinosaur but to me winning still matters in children's sport. Just because some idiot parents on the sidelines lose it is no reason to just roll the ball out and let the kids do whatever.

Not every kid wants to play sport just for fun. There are plenty of kids who want to win ... badly want to win. Some want to be pushed hard and are prepared to work hard so they can excel. They want someone who'll tap their potential and get the best out of them. So why punish the kids who desperately want to win by giving in to adults who think it's wrong to encourage the idea of winning and losing?

I've coached at a variety of levels from showing gawky high school teenagers how to shoot a ball, to seasoned professionals and a lot in between. My approach to coaching has always been the same. I've been hard-nosed and I don't take prisoners. But, I've always given the teams I've coached - no matter their age - the basic fundamentals one needs to advance, to grow, to move forward in their chosen sport. And that means I pushed them hard because everybody has more talent than they think they do and to get to that talent at times you need to challenge them. Get them out of their comfort zone. Stretch their boundaries.

Sure I yell and scream. I even yell when I'm talking normally, that's just me. But more importantly I yell with a purpose. I teach all the time. From the minute I walk into a gym I'm yelling and teaching so why would I be any different during a game? And believe me it's a beautiful thing to witness a youngster discovering his own talent and watching him or her grow.

Today we've taken this politically correct attitude about just letting the kids play to such an extreme point that we're actually cheating the kids who want to learn ... those who want to compete ... those who want to win.

I make no apologies for wanting to teach kids that winning is a helluva lot better than losing, but of course you can't always win. But you can always work to win and keep on working to win which is a great life lesson.

I had a brief but exciting stint as a children's coach. When my son turned 10 he and his talented buddies desperately needed a real coach. By "real" I mean more than the mothers who just sat and watched them play for three years teaching them absolutely nothing (this I find criminal). They were losing interest, becoming bored and some were ready to give up the game.

So I took the plunge to help them reach their potential. I pushed them hard and, yes, I even yelled and maybe jumped up and down a little.

That year these kids, who had never come close to winning anything before, made it to the finals of the winter competition and then took home the trophy in the spring competition. They all gained an enormous amount of personal confidence and pride in themselves. I honestly felt this was one of my finest coaching efforts.

But my reputation as the loud American, and my sideline antics - which seem normal to me - attracted complaints. Then I found myself in a position of no return.

We were playing a team that should have creamed us, but with a minute left in the game, we were up. Sensing victory, the adrenaline soared through me - I went ballistic, charging up and down the sideline, screaming and pointing at my guys to play defence.

I ended up beside the other coach's bench. Suddenly, the other coach is yelling at me. He's yelling at me to stop yelling at my kids (that's my kids, not his). I wheeled around. I was trapped. I was in the moment. I had nowhere to run. It is what it is. I erupted!

I told him to coach his own goddamn team and I'd coach my team and I guess that's when I added the bit about what he could do to himself even though it's not physically possible. And that's how I got fired by a primary school.

Regardless of my actions, winning does and will continue to matter in children's sport so long as you keep score.

That's just human nature.