Joe Cotton is on Treasure Island Fans v Faves 2023. Photo / Matt Klitscher
Joe Cotton rose to fame as part of the band TrueBliss, while today she is a popular radio personality soon to appear in Treasure Island: Fans v Faves, premiering TVNZ2 on Monday, January 30, 7.30pm.
I was a bit upset when we moved from Canada to New Zealand when I was 7. I had to leave my home and my friends, but dad thought it would be an exciting adventure. Dad never liked staying in one place for too long, and he and mum also did a lot of travelling as missionaries, working in places like Africa, and the UK.
I had a super religious upbringing. We went to church twice on Sundays, to youth group and there was definitely no using the Lord’s name in vain in our household. I’m still down with JC today, but I’m on my own journey with God. I go to church, and I like a lot of aspects of religion, but there are also aspects I wrestle with.
When I was really young I committed my life to Jesus, which meant saving myself for marriage - I even thought I’d be a missionary - but when I hit puberty, I was like BOYS! and religion came to feel more restrictive. But it was actually really good to grow up so sheltered. Although I did pash my boyfriend, which gave my parents grey hairs but, compared to other teens my age, I was an angel.
I started singing in church bands when I was 13, and by 16 I was playing in bands around Wellington because all I wanted to do was sing and make music. We played in RSAs, taverns and cossie clubs. We once had to evacuate the Stokes Valley RSA - or maybe it was the Wainuiomata Tavern - because we’d been tipped off there was going to be a gang fight.
I was 19 when I saw an ad on TV that asked: “Are you a girl between the ages of 18 and 25? Do you want to audition to be in a band?” When I got down to the final 15, I was flown to Auckland with a bunch of other girls from Wellington. I recognised Erika [Tackas] as I’d seen her performing around Wellington and she was the prettiest girl I’d ever seen up close so, when I saw her on the plane I was like OMG, the pretty girl is here.
I didn’t think I stood a chance of getting through, and I was completely intimidated by the other girls who all seemed so professional but somehow I magically got the call to say I’d made it. I was in TrueBliss. Only I’d never lived away from home and all of a sudden I’m living in Auckland where I didn’t know anyone. For the first three weeks I slept on the production assistant’s floor. I also got a job in a music store in Manukau to pay for food, rent and transport.
We had no idea what we were getting ourselves in to. We weren’t paid to make Popstars, and for the first seven months I slept on an air mattress because I had so little money. At some point we realised we needed to do something legal so we saw a lawyer. This person wasn’t a very good lawyer and we all signed the most terrible contracts which meant we were totally taken for a ride.
The album sold well though, and when we were on tour, doing something like 28 shows over 30 days, halfway through we found out the band was getting $10,000 for the tour and we were each getting $25 a day, but we were so green and so grateful to be there. It’s amazing what you’ll put up with when you’re passionate about something.
The producer was Jonathan Dowling. He had the idea for the format which he later sold in various other countries where it became things like Pop Idol and X Factor. There are so many different versions of it, but we didn’t see any of that money, even though our first contract said we couldn’t come or go without Jonathan’s say-so. Like when we signed with Sony, we couldn’t get Jonathan out of the deal, and any time we tried to get a new manager or lawyer, Jonathan would threaten us with legal action. Eventually, Sony dropped us as it was just too hard. I was 21 when TrueBliss ended. I’d lived my dream and when it was over I moved home and worked in a bar. I was so jaded by that experience.
When Popstars was rebooted recently, TrueBliss was invited to the launch party but I couldn’t make it but Jonathan was there. The girls said he looked like he’d lived a hard life. From what I gather, Erika and Megan [Alatini] gave him a real dressing down. I’m glad I wasn’t there, as I don’t know if I’d have run away or said things I’d later regret.
The last time I saw Jonathan was some years ago. I was walking down Ponsonby Road and I’d recently lost a lot of weight. I saw him sitting outside SPQR and he just started laughing at me. I felt so uncomfortable but I didn’t have the confidence to say anything. If that happened today, I’d definitely say something.
I’d always felt like I was judged for my weight, so in 2003 I did something about it. I borrowed some Weight Watchers books and started going to the gym and over 18 months I lost 35kg. Obviously that felt good. People treated me differently too, which sucks but it’s true. As someone who has always struggled with weight, I also suffered from imposter syndrome because inside skinny me was someone who still wanted to eat an entire pizza. I kept the weight at bay for about 15 years until Covid, when I ate all my feelings and put the weight back on.
Weight has always been an issue for me. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to wake up and not think about it, but even when you’re slim, you worry about putting the weight back on. But most people have an insecurity that hounds them. Maybe one day I’ll do therapy or maybe it’ll always be there, popping up to ruin my day.
I grew up in the days of Jane Fonda workout videos, and I’m not criticising my mum, but I was put on diets from quite a young age. I expect mum thought she was helping by not letting her daughter get chubby, but maybe that gave me a complex. The idea of “good” foods and “bad” foods and preferable body shapes. If someone asks me how I feel about my weight today, I’ll probably say, “oh I’m fine with my body, eat it up, there’s more of me to love”. But if you pick a little further I might say “I hate it, it drives me crazy and I wish my body wasn’t like this”.
The first time I did Treasure Island I was in my mid 20s. I was fit and up for the challenge and I had the best time ever. I’ll never forget how Charlotte Dawson and I would wait till the crew had left for the day, then we’d hunt for their cigarette butts in the sand and smoke them. It’s interesting too, how quickly you can turn feral. I didn’t think I’d be able deal with spiders in the toilets, or not being able to wash properly, but you adjust really quickly.
When I was asked to do Treasure Island this time, my first thought was oh my god, I’m probably the biggest I’ve ever been which is the polar opposite to last time. But I decided to feel the fear and do it anyway. And the internet is a thing now. I’m so happy social media didn’t exist when we were doing True Bliss, as I don’t know how we would’ve survived.
I’d never really thought about having kids until I got married. I was 30 and we weren’t trying, but we weren’t not trying either. We thought we’d just see what happened. That went on for a few years, until eventually we got tested and found out there was nothing wrong with either of us. It’s called “unexplained infertility”. We did think about IVF, but we were navigating changes to our careers at that time. Life was throwing us both curve balls and we were pretty stressed. Then just before I turned 40, when you can still get IVF funded, we were about to start doing tests when my husband decided he couldn’t go through with it, so that ship sailed. But I have fur babies, and nieces and nephews and the True Bliss girls all have kids and they’re my family too.
I grew up feeling like I wasn’t part of the popular circle. I didn’t feel conventionally attractive, and coming from a super religious family, all those things helped make me thick skinned. The coping mechanism I learned to use to deal with uncomfortable situations is to make jokes. To use humour to cope with things. In this industry you have to put on smile your face, even when you’re fighting what’s happening inside of you.
Most of us are on a journey of self-improvement. To be the best or kindest versions of ourselves we can be. And of course life isn’t easy, but I don’t regret anything that I’ve done or been through, because in spite of all the tough times, I am incredibly lucky.
Joe’s charity is Motor Neurone Disease New Zealand.
'If you're a human being and you've got feelings, how can you not be traumatised?'