Jessie Gurunathan has some tips to take the stress out of Christmas

The elaborate Elf on the Shelf scenarios that some parents manage to dream up and execute each night while their children are asleep are impressive. Photo / Elf on the Shelf Facebook

I have a bit of a complicated relationship with this time of year, and I know I’m not the only one who has a love-hate relationship with the festive season.

It can simultaneously be the most wonderful and most dreaded time of year for many reasons.

I blame a combination of Hallmark movies, Martha Stewart and “mummy bloggers” for the unnecessary added pressure and stress to create the perfect holly jolly Christmas.

I swear there’s going to be Christmas tree decorating added as a competitive sport at the Olympics soon, and Martha will be head judge. Actually, for some, the whole silly season appears to be a competition of sorts, all vying for the chance to be crowned the Christmas Champion. When I was a kid, my parents didn’t have to do half the stuff I see parents doing now. The elaborate Elf on the Shelf scenarios that some parents manage to dream up and execute each night while their children are asleep are impressive. Apparently, the whole premise is that Santa sends one of his elves to spy on kids, checking whether they’re naughty or nice, and on Christmas Eve, said elf travels back to the North Pole to report back to Santa. I find it slightly creepy, but admittedly I could absolutely see myself getting sucked in and participating one day if I’m a parent. Imagine though, if your kid is the only one at school who doesn’t have Santa’s elf come and visit. What a continuous bloody guilt trip December must be for so many parents. Actually, to all parents navigating Christmas, I salute you.

I know I’m sounding like a bit of a Christmas Grinch right now, and I assure you I’m not, I do like most aspects of the season. I like that it’s traditionally a time of year that celebrates connection and festive cheer. In reality, though, the holiday season can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, exhaustion, stress, grief, financial pressure, and anxiety. I think the challenges faced throughout the year can really be amplified by the time we get to December and the festive season. As a community, we’ve had to navigate a lot of cumulative trauma these past few years. The pandemic continues to impact our lives in so many ways and, understandably, it takes a toll on our mental health.

I think it’s okay to admit to feeling burnt out or a bit fatigued this time of the year. I know I sure as hell am, and I’m determined not to have Christmas turn into Stressmas for me or my loved ones this year. Here are a few of the things I’m implementing as a sort of self-preservation holiday survival guide.

Set boundaries - Some people absolutely thrive when they take the reins and assume the role of organiser; I am not one of those people. Ironically, for as long as I can remember, that is the role I’ve found myself playing in my family. This year, however, I’ve made a conscious effort to try and take a step back, and it’s already made a big difference to my mental health.

Christmas Meal Kit - Instead of being in charge of organising and cooking the entire day, I’ve convinced my family to try a festive meal kit from My Food Bag. Everything arrives a few days prior to Christmas, including a prep schedule and all the recipes. I’ve found this to be incredibly cost-effective. Our grocery bill would normally be huge in comparison, but having a meal kit has meant the ingredients are all perfectly measured out, so there’s no need to buy large quantities or risk food going to waste. I’m thrilled at the idea of skipping the supermarket madness this year thanks to everything being delivered right to our doorstep. Another nice way to keep it stress-free and cost-effective could be a Christmas potluck where everyone prepares and offers a dish to share.

Secret Santa - My family has been doing a combination of Secret Santa or Dirty Santa for the past few years. We set a price limit, add a wish list of three things we each want or need that our Secret Santa can choose from, and use a gifting website like Elfster to draw names. That way, it alleviates any financial pressure and ensures everyone gets something they will actually enjoy receiving. Alternatively, make a rule that everyone only gifts presents that they’ve made themselves.

Of course, if you have children in the family, part of the fun is watching them unwrap presents, but understandably it can be tricky to manage expectations. I have seen a few friends do a five-present rule with their children that I think is genius. Each child gets something they want, need, read, wear and something fun to do.

It doesn’t matter what your personal beliefs are at Christmas, it’s safe to assume that most New Zealanders from all walks of life look forward to having the day off on December 25.

There really is no such thing as a one size fits all, cookie-cutter approach to Christmas. Don’t worry about what Martha Stewart or the Joneses are up to. Now more than ever, I think it’s about doing our best with what we have - deep breaths everyone, and go easy on each other.