As has traditionally been my tradition, this time of year, in years past, this is the annual column where I share with the reality TV producers of Aotearoa (and anywhere else in the world if they want to buy them) my ideas for can't- miss reality TV shows that will look good on any network, in 2011.
I like to get my ideas out there, in the "marketplace" as it were, at this time of year, while the reality TV producers are sunning themselves on their super-yachts and are probably in quite a receptive frame of mind or, even better, drunk and open to suggestion. Sure, this is a strategy that has resoundingly not worked for me ever, but I'm quietly confident this year's crop of ideas will buck that trend.
And I'm deliberately using the word "crop" here because 2011 is the year where food and reality TV meet. Actually, they met a long time ago and the whole Masterchef thing has done quite well, but what is important is that we need to gloss over these minor details in order to truly savour the delectable nature of my food-based reality TV show ideas, rather than that old crap.
My first idea is called What If I Ate That? In this show Petra Bagust shows us what happens to our bodies (and our general state of health) when we eat things that aren't traditionally considered food - like pencils or a Ford Focus or enriched uranium. It will be both educational (in a 'don't ever eat this' way) and entertaining (as we watch what happens to unsuspecting members of the public when they eat stuff they really shouldn't).
In Marcus Lush's Kitchens, Marcus Lush will wander randomly into kitchens up and down New Zealand. He will then sit in the corner being enigmatic, asking his usual brand of elliptical questions and generally annoying whoever is trying to cook in said kitchen. When the meal is finally prepared, Marcus will try a mouthful, say something insightful about the food, then walk out without offering to do the dishes.