Jack Tame: The day I was an idiot abroad

If you're planning a holiday somewhere interesting, let me offer this advice: don't be an idiot. Photo / Thinkstock

It happened just out of Cairo and it really wasn't my idea. I was visiting some pyramids - about the only tourist in town - when the lonely soldier standing guard decided to walk with me.

For a little baksheesh, he took a few photos with my phone: generic snaps by the stone and sand. Then, inexplicably, alone in the desert, the soldier handed me his rifle and encouraged me to pose for a couple more.

I thought little of it until I arrived back in the US a few days later.

"You're flagged," said the guy at Customs. "My computer's flashed red. Sir, I have to lead you this way." He read me some rights and told me not to freak out: I promptly disregarded the advice.

"Have you ever hit your girlfriend?" The guy guessed. "What? No!"

"Did she ever call the police? Have you ever been arrested?" "No!"

He left me to squirm for 20 minutes. I imagined a future behind bars and planned who to contact with my only phone call.

"Mr Tame?" a woman asked. "Please, step this way." One question in, and the penny dropped.

"I see you've been in the Middle East," she said. "Have you ever been to Yemen?"

"No!"

"Have you ever had military training? "No!"

"So what were you doing in Egypt?"

"A quick holiday," I replied. "A bit of writing. A few friends. I have photos if you need them." Gulp.

I flushed: regret at having offered the photos and even more at having taken them in the first place. Standing in a desert with an AK-47, holding it above my head. You really couldn't get more ISIS-y if you tried.

If you're reading this, though, it means she let me go. She didn't check my phone.

And although I accept that my experience - and subsequent US Customs file - is life in 2014, if you're planning a holiday somewhere interesting, let me offer this advice: don't be an idiot.

• Jack Tame is on NewstalkZB Saturdays, 9am-midday