The tears in his eyes made it difficult for David Millane to read.
He held a bit of paper. A few carefully chosen devastating sentences. But as he and his wife Gill stood before the media, for a few seconds he couldn't recognise them. He couldn't read his own words.
The case has captured our attention for many reasons.
Grace Millane was a young woman who was in that incredibly special, brief moment in life where she would have felt absolute freedom for the first time. Out on the road. The wind in her hair. The first few days of an OE on the opposite side of the world, with all the potential and opportunity of youth. God, what a feeling that is.
Grace Millane's parents Dave and Gillian speak to the media at the Auckland High Court after the jury delivered a murder verdict. Photo / Jason Oxenham
It is important, though, to consider her murder in a broader context. For all the attention on this case, on this young woman and the young man who killed her, the greatest tragedy of Grace Millane's death is that it is nothing out of the ordinary. The saddest thing about Grace's death is that in a sense, Grace Millane is just a number.
We New Zealand men kill women in shameful quantities. There have been at least three concurrent murder trials in New Zealand for men killing women during the past couple of weeks.
This isn't for a moment a slight on Grace Millane, because of course she and her family should never have been put in this awful position. But Grace Millane is extraordinary. Because when the victim is poor and brown, the chances are most of us will never even know her name.
So what can we do? If you feel moved, as I do, White Ribbon offers some basic advice: Call out any form of violence against women. Be brave if you see something in public. If you have a mate who's making disrespectful or harmful comments about women, call him out.
Grace Millane and her family on graduation day. Photo / Supplied
And if you're a parent - and this is a really important one - talk to children about pornography.
Most of us have no idea about how pornography is contributing to harm in our society, criminal or otherwise. Pornography today is nothing like the Playboys and Penthouse centrefolds of old.
Much of it is incredibly violent and extreme, and anyone with an internet connection or a phone can access it with just a couple of clicks. A few weeks ago, the acting head youth court judge told me the court believes they are seeing an increase in the number of sexual violence crimes committed by young men who have had unlimited access to violent porn. I don't think we have a grip on just how much damage it is causing.
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards women, focusing this year on sexual violence and the issue of consent. www.whiteribbon.org.nz
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