KEY POINTS:
Heather Henare, Chief executive of Women's Refuge, answers your questions:
Is releasing the names of prominent people accused of domestic abuse important, and if so why?
M McPherson, Auckland
Why should people with a profile have a different rule, than those who do not? If an All Black assaulted a complete stranger, would we give them name suppression? If you are in a position of prominence within Aotearoa, is it not your responsibility to role model good behaviour? If it had been fraud or drugs do you think that they should have name suppression? Until we all say that violence in intimate relationships is not on, how will we change it?
What is the best thing families can do to prevent women from becoming involved in domestic abuse situations?
C Power, Hamilton
This questions asks how to prevent women, instead of how can we stop domestic abuse. Education is one major part of this, but it does not matter how much education a woman has, she is not responsible for the violence. Yes, we can teach our children about love and respect, and how they do not need to suffer abuse from anyone.
A family member is living in an abusive situation. Is there anything else we can do to encourage her to leave for the safety of her and her child?
Wendy L, By email
I would focus on the child. Ask her if she would like her child to have the same relationship that she is in. Ask her about what she is role modeling, but remember most women want the violence to stop. You are doing the right thing, support her, but remember it is not just about her, it is about children and it is about her partner's violence. Women tend to know when they are in the most physical danger, and normally leave. The psychological violence is the glue that keeps her there.
Will New Zealand ever see an improvement in our domestic violence statistics?
Angela, by email
If the whole country takes responsibility for violence and responsibility for children, their own and others; role modelling, challenging and support for change. It is about behavioural change and attitudinal change.
For years abusive men have had to undergo anger management courses. What sort of education are women getting against going back to these men?
Sue Clements, Birkenhead
Most men do not attend programmes. Research has shown that the programmes only have a 10 per cent success rate nationwide. Violence is not about anger. Anger is an emotion, violence is the action. Women have education programmes that they can do, and there are children's programmes. Again the issue is the violence against them, not about them getting educated. If a woman leaves a violent relationship, the chances are that her ex-partner will do the same thing to the next woman. So it does not matter how much we educated women, the men perpetrating the violence need to change.
What is being done to help men who suffer from domestic abuse?
J Jones, by email
There are no men's refuges because men have not started one. Yes, there are women who abuse men, but it is still about 5 per cent. We have women's refuges because of the demand for them, women started them, I would like to think that if women became as violent as men, then a service would be set up.
