KEY POINTS:
My golf is in crisis. After years trusting natural talent rather than developing routines through practice, the game has deserted me. Where once there were no issues standing over the dimpled white object and hitting it, that task has become much tougher.
The mental gremlins have set in, talk about a golfing Chernobyl.
Several months away from golf because of World Cup obligations has not helped. First game back and the full array of golfing offences were completed inside the first few holes. Topped drives, dropkicks, hooks, slices, thinned or chunked irons and even a dreaded sherman tank.
Wedgeplay remained a foreign concept, even putting seemed a struggle. There was too much remedial work there for David Leadbetter, let alone Gilbert Enoka.
Strong credentials then, for a reconnaissance visit to the Hills, the championship course on the outskirts of Arrowtown, which, from November 29, is going to host the 100th New Zealand Open. Come down, have a look, play a few holes with Sir Bob Charles, the organisers said. Even with the ragged state of my golf, it was an offer which could not be ignored.
Few people had played the 6600 m privately-owned course. There was a mystery about the place which had grown since jewellery magnate Michael Hill settled there in 1991 and had local landscape architect John Darby design a putting green, then a pitch and putt zone on his property.
Eventually Hill acquired 500 acres and six years ago decided to go with his passion and create an 18-hole golf course from the land, a decision which has Charles rating the course among the top five in the country.
The chance to see for myself and play some golf with Charles, who is one of this country's sporting icons, was an irresistible combination. Well, it was until Charles waited for us on the fifth tee. He had played four holes with another group, now it was our turn.
Fortunately we had warmed up, swishing our way in an out of the fescue rough, the ubiquitous bunkering and penal tussock areas and had tested the putting surfaces.
But all the self-doubt, all the mental paranoia, all the apprehension kicked in as the 71-year-old golfing knight looked on. My drive was fine, middle of the fairway and only a short wedge from the par four green. But that was the problem. "Just a dink with the wedge," Charles said calmly, not knowing my success rate with that weapon was about one in fifty. My divots range from bulky fillet steaks to lightly singeing the turf with a horrible assortment of duffs to low-flying missiles.
Some people have putting yips, one of my troubles are wedge tremors but this was not the time to be going through my litany of golfing inadequacies, it was time to pray to some deity for kindness.
Charles' eyes bored through my back as the shrill of voices in my head told me to take the club back slowly, swing through smoothly and not flick at the ball. Somehow the golfing saints allowed me one respite. It was clumsy but the ball settled on the small green, that was my first surprise.
The second was the Charles drew a crimson mallet putter from his bag, a garish-looking club with interchangeable faceplates to replace the centre-shafted blade which helped take him to victories around the world including the 1963 British Open.
"I have troubles with my alignment," Charles said, "and I find this new putter helps with that."
Nice to know the knight has problems. He also felt several par-four holes on the course were too long for him if there was any breeze, including the 450 m finishing hole skirting the clubhouse, which has two thirds of its complex built underground and a grass roof to blend into the countryside.
The scenery is stunning and enhanced by the tees all being elevated so you can take in the views of the Remarkables, round to Coronet Peak, Treble Cone and Cardrona skifields.
Our fortune was the weather. The afternoon before, the wind was so strong down the road at our Millbrook accommodation that it snuffed out thoughts of a few holes before dinner.
The quirky Hill, more measured Charles and Millbrook hosted us that evening, all no doubt hoping conditions would be sympathetic for the hacks' hacking their way around golf's exclusive New Zealand location.
On Melbourne Cup morning, there was just a light breeze at the Hills, which resembles a links-style course with undulating banked holes to guide you in, with the background of the spectacular mountain vistas.
About 55,000 tussocks have been planted, 100,000 flax bushes and 10,000 low trees, all with individual irrigation. The greens have small target areas and professional and general manager John Griffin believes shotmakers like Steve Alker or Peter O'Malley will be rewarded.
"It will all be about fairways and greens and the guys pulling the right clubs," Griffin said. "The greens will also be tricky as they are soil and there are little undulations which will fool a lot of players."
Spectators will have numerous vantage points where they can sit and take in a number of holes, or else move easily to follow the changing fortunes. From above the 10th green, it is possible to watch play on 10 holes around the course in a very spectator-friendly environment.
They can also take in the other accomplishments of the Hill family. There are a variety of on-course sculptures from son Mark, paintings in the clubhouse by wife Christine, while the musical Hill settled for waterblasting schist outcrops, which have been left to adorn several holes.
The course starts quietly and will offer the professionals birdie chances on the opening three holes before they are confronted by the 235 m par three fourth hole. From there, the course gets tighter and tougher, with several risk or reward holes. If conditions are as serene as the course, there will be some low numbers but any sou-westers at the end of this month will stiffen the task considerably. The course will host the NZA Open for three years, a result you suspect would give Hill as much satisfaction as his global business empire. Growing up in Whangarei, he combined his gift for business and love for golf by setting up a small course beside his parents' property.
Decades on, he has upped the stakes at the Hills, in what should be an asset to New Zealand's golfing resources.
