Vivienne Crawshaw: New start for Dylan and for Damien

COMMENT

In the last column I wrote about Damien and Dylan. The social workers took the children and placed them in a Child, Youth and Family home. Damien had collected a minor head injury when he got in the way of his father's blows which had been directed towards his mother. Both the children had been left home alone and although their mother, Darnelle, had charmed the social workers the first time into letting her keep the children, no amount of charm could stop the children being taken from her and their father's care on this occasion.

The kids were numb. They had witnessed a violent fight between their parents. Dylan (aged 4) had been taken from his home without his brother and placed with strangers. Damien was in hospital for two weeks, constantly monitored by a social worker, again without contact from his parents. Dylan was brought in to visit him, but howled when it was time to leave.

Once Damien came out of hospital he joined Dylan at the placement home, which made life a bit easier for Dylan. The social worker attached to the case was busy finding out whether there might be family members who would be able or willing to care for the boys on a temporary or permanent basis. A family group conference was convened and all family members from both sides, including the children's parents, were invited to attend.

A lawyer had also been appointed by the court when CYF had applied for custody and a declaration (that the children were in need of care and protection) and the lawyer was to attend, too.

The aim of the conference was that the family would be part of the decision as to whether the children were in need of care and protection and if so, whether CYF should have custody. A decision was also needed about where the children should stay in the meantime.

Darnelle's family were mainly living in Sydney and her mother had enough troubles of her own, with a new husband who was a bit too fond of the booze. Her cousin from Nelson made the trip up and so did her younger brother, a bit of a petrol-head.

Stacey (the children's dad) was the black sheep in his family and they came in full force, indignant that they had been kept out of the picture by CYF. Stacey's mother was forthright, insisting that her grandchildren come and stay with her in Dargaville.

That resulted in a near-brawl when Stacey's uncle on his father's side tried to take over the show, strutting about in his shades. He said that the children should be living with him and his family and that the reason Stacey had turned out so badly was that his mum had not brought him up with the scriptures as she should have.

It was hard for the convenor to direct the discussion, but eventually the family members focused on the issues at hand, which were that the children were at serious risk of physical abuse (Damien had already been abused) and neglect. They agreed that CYF should have custody but did not agree about where the children should be placed. Some family members put their names forward and the social workers asked them to complete caregiver assessment forms so that they could run police checks and the like. That meant the children stayed in the family in the meantime.

Stacey's mother got tied up with employment problems in Dargaville and did not complete her assessment form. Stacey's uncle did, but it was discovered that living with him was a family member who had numerous domestic violence convictions.

Unexpectedly, Darnelle's cousin Aroha, from Nelson, who had no children of her own, made tentative enquiries about looking after the children. The boys knew her because she came to visit whenever she was in Auckland. She had been close to Darnelle when they were younger but lately Darnelle's P-focused lifestyle had caused conflict between them. She was prepared to leave Nelson and stay with her elderly mother in her three-bedroom home in Mt Roskill to offer the boys a temporary respite. She said she would take each day as it came and see how things panned out.

The social worker decided to place the children with Aroha. The wider family would have regular access. Darnelle did not agree to go into drug rehab because she said she did not have a drug problem and that it was all Stacey's fault. She had left him and hooked up with a new man (also a P user). She also blamed the social workers, saying that they were against her from the start. Stacey appeared in court and was convicted of assaulting his son. He was given a custodial sentence and from then on could only think of his boys from behind the bars of Waikeria prison.

At first Aroha struggled to look after the boys. They acted-up, testing her to see if she could cope with them. She was determined to make a go if it and with her mother's help ensured that, for the first time in their lives, the boys had clean clothes and sheets, a bedtime routine and regular attendance at school and kindergarten. Though they saw their mother as often as she wanted, this became sporadic as Darnelle sank deeper into depression.

Every six months the Court reviewed the legal situation for the children and it became more and more obvious that a return to their parents in this case was going to be an impossible task. While life would never be easy for Damien and Dylan, Aroha's involvement had resulted in a new stability and the start of the nurturing care they deserved.

Vivienne Crawshaw is a Family Law Specialist from Auckland.

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