KEY POINTS:
I'm someone who takes my job seriously. I love working with computers. A few years ago, my boss approached me and, I think as a reward for good work or something, he offered me a promotion," said Michael (not his real name), an IT professional in Auckland.
"Problem was, it was a management role and I prefer not to deal too much with people. Because the job was offered, and it was a better salary and all that, I felt I had to take it. It was a big mistake. I hated it and I was no good at it. I really wish I had refused the promotion when it was offered; it just wasn't the right thing for me and caused a lot of stress in my life."
So, are there times when it's a good idea to say "no" to a promotion - or if you do will you be making a huge career mistake that you may never recover from? It depends on the situation, say the experts.
Dr Dianne Gardner, senior lecturer, School of Psychology, Massey University, says it's not uncommon that when you go along the career path you land in management, which could take you away from what you love doing.
"Research showed that when a nurse went into management, she was no longer nursing. For engineers, there were two career paths: The management one or remaining as an engineer. Senior engineers made less money than their managers, but loved what they did. Although the managers missed being engineers, they did have the career perks and salary. Both groups tended to want some of what the other had. There are costs to both decisions."
She says that in some industries, it's difficult to move back if you find you don't like the role you've been promoted into.
"Some industries move fast, technology changes, ways of doing things change - if you haven't been on the job, you could have moved more steps back than you can imagine."
And then there's the Peter Principle. "In the 80s and 90s and before that there was a view that you should take any opportunity that's offered - move up to move up. It was about watching the people around you and squashing competition.
"The Peter Principle was referred to a lot - people got promoted to their level of incompetence. The reasoning behind many promotions is that past performance is the best predictor of future performance but people tend to reach a point in which the job they're offered is quite different from anything they have done. They get stuck and can't move any further.
"Employers should really look at what people have done, provide a realistic view of the next job and competencies that are required. It can be wise to admit: 'I don't think I'll be good at this.' This could be recognising the limits of your skills, realising that your values don't fit with the new job or that you don't want extra responsibility or your confidence level is low."
Gardner says the worst reason is lack of confidence. "Your manager or boss is offering you a promotion for a reason. He or she probably thinks you'd be good for the job. If you lack confidence, it would be best to see what support the company has for you rather than turning the promotion down outright.
"Tell the boss what you think you'll need to make a success of the job - be it management training, a mentor or other support. You can bargain. But if you believe you don't have the skills, and the training you need will not be offered, then either go for external help, such as a reputable business coach or back off."
Gardner says you may be offered a promotion because no one else wants the job. "It could be an unpopular job working with a horrible person. Don't accept it just because the company is desperate - but perhaps do it for a finite time, set boundaries and say you'll do it until they find someone else and then step aside."
Gardner says it's a good idea to refuse promotion because of things such as work/life balance, or if the job doesn't fit with your interests or values and will make you miserable. "The fit of a person to a job matters.
"Trust your gut feelings. If you're being pushed into something you don't want to do you'll lose."
She says when refusing a promotion it's good to be honest, but "never allow the other party to lose face". Don't say the job offered is rubbish.
Say you don't want the job because you want to have time for your family or that's not the area you want to head for.
"Always remember, this is a small country. Refuse a promotion politely. Say thank you, but not right now or thank you, but perhaps when such and such comes up I would like to try that. It's about how you do it, whether refusing a promotion will affect the rest of your career. Remember, by making the offer, your boss has shown faith in you. Obviously she or he wants to keep you - the promotion may be in order to give you a career path to ensure you stay. If you say you don't want the promotion because you love what you're doing now, it's unlikely that there will be repercussions for you."
Auckland's Dr Stress, John McEwan, agrees that honesty is the best policy when refusing a promotion. "Perhaps you have had too much change in the past 12-month period. Change brings about stress and could mean your internal computer breaks down. Sometimes a promotion in a certain time frame can be too much."
He says if you're going through something major in your life, the boss should know. It's likely that your employer will understand if you say: "I can't take this promotion because I'm newly divorced and my young children need me to stabilise them." Perhaps in that case you should tell the boss you'll be available for promotion next year.
But McEwan says there are some cases in which an opportunity is not going to ever come up again. "Consider the entertainment industry - opportunities can be rare. Look at the opportunity. If it's unique, walk through that door, but make sure you have support, such as counselling, to help you through it."
Another situation where it may be important to accept the promotion is if you don't take the job someone else who will have to deal with you will accept it. "That can be a danger in not taking a job - someone who dislikes you or feels threatened by you could accept it and decide to destroy you." Realising that you should have taken the job offered can cause a lot of grief, says McEwan.
Ruth Donde, New Zealand manager for Results Coaching Systems, says there are various things to look at when being offered a promotion.
"Consider the personal side - how does this position fit with your vision of the future? Consider your values and direction. If it doesn't fit with having time with the family, decide what's really important," she says.
"Some mothers want to be there when the children come home from school. Perhaps the promotion won't allow that."
Donde says when there are clashing values, say yes to what you value the most.
"Consider your career objectives - does the new position fit into that? Where do you see yourself in three to five years if you accept?"
She says it is important to look at the organisation. Will you get the support you need in your new role? Will you have access to things like leadership development or coaching, or are you being set up to fail?
If you're not given the tools you need, it's best to say no. Remember, in the work world, you're only as good as your last position.
She says also consider whether the new role is an interim one. "How long has it been in existence, does it fit with the direction of the company or will you be out of a job?
"It's okay to say no. Often people feel if they say no they're putting themselves in a position to be sidelined. Say it in a way that this will not happen.
"Express clearly why you are saying no. Maybe say, 'Thanks, but that's not really what I want to be doing - but I see myself in such and such role, so if that comes up please think of me again'. It can be empowering to say no to one thing in order to say yes to something else."
