KEY POINTS:
I've completely missed my calling. When I grow up I want to be one of the Yes Men. Two weeks ago this group of "culture jamming" political activists led by Andy Bichlbaum and Mike Bonnano, pulled one of my all-time favourite satirical stunts. They created a fake website posing as developers of a groundbreaking new petroleum product called "Vivoleum".
From their site they garnered an invitation to be keynote speakers at Canada's biggest petroleum conference. Their presentation explained in gushing oil-speak that, as a result of increasing probability of global calamities, the oil industry could "keep fuel flowing" by transforming the millions of people who will inevitably die into - um, oil.
The audience was then asked to light their commemorative "Vivoleum" candles as they elaborated that these particular candles were made from the flesh of an "Exxon janitor" who died as a result of cleaning up a toxic spill.
It was only a video of the supposed "dead janitor" professing his wish to be rendered into candles after his death that made the penny drop. Security escorted both men out to a throng of waiting press.
Still in character, they told reporters, "We're not talking about killing anyone. We're talking about using them after nature has done the hard work."
These guys are like an Escher poster of protest. Their zany theatrical satire is my definition of what effective new millennium protest should look like - creative, outrageous, thought-provoking, and most of all - new.
Marching in the streets among thousands has its place. Bra-burning and boycotting worked if you were 20 in 1968. But why do so many activists look like they've been jellied in aspic since then?
A few innovators get it. The Guerrilla Girls, with a tag line "Reinventing the F word: Feminism", started showing up in gorilla masks, mini-skirts and fishnet stockings in the late 1980s in New York to protest about women being under-represented in the art world. They took out ads across city buses that read, "Do women have to go naked to get into the Met [Metropolitan] Museum?"
The group found less than 5 per cent of artists shown at the museum were female but 85 per cent of nudes were women.
They were mysterious, they were anonymous, and it became a game to speculate who was in the group. It worked, people noticed.
Years ago "Reclaim the Night" protests were well intentioned but just didn't work. I much prefer the efforts of Holla Back [from the cheerleading phrase "holler back"] whose motto against street molesters is, "If you can't slap 'em, snap 'em".
Their website's homepage shows people brandishing camera cellphones like a weapon, then showcases pictures of the men who abused them on city subways and streets. Sister groups have sprung up in Europe and Canada.
With one click of a shutter women move from victim to virtual crime-fighter. Once upon a time, a protester's goal was do whatever it takes to get into mainstream media. Today, the most effective protests seem to be ones that twist new media to suit their cause.
Recently Greenpeace New Zealand took a step in the right direction during a Marsden B Power Station protest. They set up a tiny radio station called "Radio Heatwave" for three days and also streamed it to the web. Instead of fighting for airtime, suddenly politicians started coming to them for interviews.
Why isn't "create your own media" every protest organisation's new mantra? Waving placards on the nightly news is forgettable. I doubt I'll even remember if someone chains themselves to a railway line. And I hope that the protesters who painted red slogans on the High Court building after the acquittal in the Rotorua police rape trial have considered what portion of their audience they alienate - versus persuade - when actions become destructive.
Grabbing my attention means dumping what worked 30 years ago on its head and exploiting today's new media with something innovative.
The Yes Men are infiltrating big government and corporate "evil-doers" with satire so savvy many don't realise they've been had until someone tells them the king isn't wearing any clothes. The Guerrilla Girls use mystery and a bit of masked theatre to create a buzz. The Holla Back website is not just protesting street molestation but transforming newer media into their crime tool.
Put the placards away with the patchouli incense. If you want change, earn my attention. Start seeing protest as an art form your cause must own and generate. You don't need a new message, you just need an entirely new way to tell it - then we'll listen.
