That Guy: Team selection is key to the creative process

As most of you are probably well aware by now, writing a weekly column is very much a team - or what we call in the industry a "collaborative" - effort. Pictured here is my current writing team.

This photo was taken Thursday morning as we headed out for Friday afternoon work drinks at our local, the Stoat and Gristle - a popular watering hotel for Auckland's journalist community, but especially for those who have permission to work from home.

The photo was taken by column photographer Ronnie McFeast, who is obviously not pictured as he was busy taking the photo with his assistant, Sharon Edwards, who is also not pictured as she is not all that photogenic.

Ronnie is a fulltime staff member but moonlights as a part-time squeegee-man at Mermaids nightclub. Yes, he cleans the big fish tanks between shows.

Key appointment

Pictured on your far right is our latest key appointment, Norman Bernstein. For the past 12 years Norman has worked predominantly for Nasa.

He was heavily involved with the testing of the shuttle's heat shield, and he did extensive testing on the shuttle's atmospheric re-entry glide path patterns. He moved to New Zealand last year.

Initially, he had a part-time job at the BBQ Factory appraising the performance of their new non-stick hot plates and the aerodynamic qualities of the cooking hoods.

He will come on board as a consultant for the scientific columns, not that many have been confirmed at this early stage.

Key disappointment

Roland Boardkey has been a grave disappointment. Roland is one of the more experienced members of the team, but, of late, his inability to tell whether a column was terrible or not, has caused us all much embarrassment, with as many as seven getting published regardless.

As our unofficial, off-the-rack fashion consultant he was well behind the eight-ball and behind last year's European winter trends.

His drunken party antics, though often amusing, were on the borderline of good taste this year, especially when he mixed his drinks with other people's.

The last nail in his coffin would have to be his pilfering of the Barnardos snack box.

When are people going to learn there are no such things as free snacks? Fortunately, there is a recession going on so it has been easier for me to push his termination past that fat bird in HR.

We will certainly miss Roland and his drunken party antics, but probably not as much as he will miss his job. We wish him, Lorraine and the new twins all the best for the future.

On my right, that is your left, is Connie De Niro and on my left, that is your right, is Yorgan Morgan, both animators I headhunted from Disney. Their roles are yet to be defined, but we believe they will bring a lot to the table.

* Editor's note: On legal advice, and after a series of strongly worded letters from solicitors representing Mr Roland Boardkey, this newspaper has agreed to obscure his identity. Mr Boardkey advises that he is wholly supportive of the work of Barnardos.