That Guy: Father's keen eye shapes up the kids for showbiz

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Opinion

Just a few nights back I attended my son's first Christmas production. This is, of course, a variety-type show in which the kids put on a performance for the parents and critics. I happen to be both.

My 5-year-old son's class was given star billing, which was positive on the one hand as the crowd was truly warmed up by the time they came on.

Let's face it, although most of the other acts were top notch, as a parent you only really go to see your own kid's performance.

Just between you and me, I suspect there may have been some lip syncing going on. Axl Rose was accused of doing the same thing just last week, so it seems to be a problem creeping in at all levels.

As a father, and critic, I prefer to focus on the positive aspects of the show, and I won't single out those acts that could have benefited from more workshopping and perhaps some gym work, but let's just say they know who they are.

So, let's get specific and critique Sam's show. Room 15 did a post-modernist, free-flowing interpretation of the instrumental surf classic Wipe Out. The costumes and props were minimalist, but I think this was a conscious effort on behalf of the producers, and it worked in their favour, forcing you to focus on the performance itself, taking a leaf from Andrew Lloyd Webber's marginally successful Cats, I suspect.

Speaking of Cats, one class did a fine rendition of The Cat Came Back The Very Next Day. This was one of the more interactive performances of the evening, and this class really knew how to work the crowd.

Room 15's teacher had clearly driven them hard and this was evident throughout most of the performance.

To my highly trained eye, however, it seemed that a couple of the kids tired a little toward the end, begging the question as to whether some of them may have burnt out a little or, dare I say it, peaked a little early in the tour.

One wonders whether a rotation policy during rehearsals might have been a good idea, perhaps bringing in some paid understudies to fill in, so that the main line-up could remain fresh for their one-off performance.

But there can be negative effects from a policy like this, as the All Blacks know only too well. Their last World Cup campaign suffered from having a lack of cohesion, as they were often expected to perform alongside players who were unfamiliar to them. I am pleased to say that kids from Room 15 didn't slip to such lows.

On my score cards I gave all the children between 8.5 and 10 points each. I did find it disconcerting that I was the only parent who was using a good old-fashioned score-card system. To be honest, I don't think any of the other parents would have noticed the errors I was able to pick up on, as they are not professionals, but you have to remember I am coming from a performance background.

As it was Sam's first performance I filmed it so that I could show Sam where he went wrong. This appears reminiscent of the relationship between Michael Jackson and his overbearing father, Joe, but I can assure you this is far from the case as Michael had far more talent than my son.

If my son does want to follow in my footsteps and be a top performer, he will need to dedicate up to eight hours a day to rehearsal.

A successful stage career is a huge commitment, and at only 5 years old his school work is bound to suffer. As a parent I am not prepared to let this happen, so I will be doing his homework for him, at least up until Year 7 or 8.

Many people say that I am living vicariously through my son, but I can assure them that this isn't the case - I am saving that for my 3-year-old daughter, who is already showing promise and will probably be Miss New Zealand in 2027. We plan to use that success to launch her into the promising film career I am yet to have.