That guy: Being a maverick is all about juggling balls

Opinion

Many of you have written this week asking whether I can email my column directly to you, so you can avoid buying the entire newspaper every time you want to read my column.

This seemed like a fair enough request to me, I know that times are tough and it's wise to only read what you can afford.

Well I had a lengthy discussion with the editor about this, and unfortunately I have to report that the answer is "no".

To his credit he did explain at length the inner workings of a publication like the Herald on Sunday, and it all has to do with revenue "they" receive from advertisers that advertise in the entire paper, not just my column.

Apparently, it is that very same revenue that eventually pays my wages as a weekly columnist. Naturally I asked if I could see the books and again he said "no".

This prompted me to ask whether I could seek my own advertiser or sponsor.

It is probably no secret that I have had many offers from the commercial sector, but again the answer was "no".

He then went off on a tangent and gave me a lecture about "being a team player", which ended with me having to sit down in the staff room and watch An Officer and a Gentleman three times with Richard Gere.

Not the Richard Gere who is actually in the movie, coincidentally.

I was made to sit down with the Richard or "Dick" Gere from accounts, who also seems to have a bit of anti-authority attitude at the moment.

At last year's Christmas party, while trying to photocopy his backside, "Dick Gere" was the one who caused a "paper jam" when one of his testicles got caught up in the paper feed rollers.

The emergency people from St John's Ambulance and the Fuji Xerox people were very helpful and the copier was working again on Monday morning. For obvious reasons Dick took his two weeks' annual leave.

But it is difficult being a team player when as a freelance journalist you are seldom in the office and tend to write most of your columns on a Friday morning, while sitting in a towel waiting for the bottle stores to open.

Freelance journalists live in a different world.

We like to fly by the seat of our pants, and in super-economy if we have enough air miles.

We live in a world in which we work hard but play harder, a world where the normal rules that everyday people live by don't apply to us.

A freelance journalist's life is too short to be always waiting for the "green man" to tell us when it's safe to cross the road.

Our lives are also too short to have to use a fresh plate every time it comes into contact with some raw chicken.

That's why we give each other nicknames like "Maverick", "Iceman" and "Wendyl".

That's also probably why freelance journalists have one of the highest rates of salmonella poisoning in the country.

But having said all this I have taken on board much of what the editor had to say, and I am trying to be more of a "team player", beginning this weekend.

I have volunteered my services for the company Twenty20 cricket team but I have insisted that I open the batting and bowling.

I've also stressed that I can only stick around for the first inning as I have a game of squash booked.

One solution to the problem of reading my column without buying the entire paper is for you to go online each week and read last week's column as the paper doesn't charge to visit the website.

The fact that it is a week old doesn't really matter because I tend to project forward and try to write about what I think will be the big issues at least two to three weeks into the future.

Another more practical solution is that you send me a fee directly.

I would then write a separate, fresh column just for you. The advantage of this is that the column can be customised to suit your needs and specific interests.

I haven't cleared this with the powers that be but, at the end of the day, how are they ever going to find out?