That Guy: An Easter column that's bigger than Jesus

Once again it is time for my Easter column. This has become something of a tradition at the Herald on Sunday, so much so that in the past five years I have only twice failed to deliver one.

These columns don't necessarily have to be about Easter specifically, but many of them tend to have an Easter vibe, at least.

This year, I thought I would try something a little different by giving you a "Today in History" timeline.

As you will soon notice, the concept of Easter features prominently throughout.

On this day in 32AD:

Nothing really remarkable happened. It is pretty much your typical lazy Sunday.

On this day in 33AD:

Jesus rises from the dead, easily rolls back the large stone across the tomb doorway, then, in a zombie-like state, pays a visit to many of the Apostles.

This simple act paves the way for the huge and amazing concepts we know today as Christianity and the ranchslider.

On this day in 1486:

Leonardo Da Vinci invents the helicopter, but there is nobody qualified to fly it.

On this day in 1946:

The Catholic Church decrees that if chocolate eggs are to be such a powerful symbol of Easter, they should at least be presented in such a way so as to represent what Catholicism is all about.

From then on, most chocolate eggs were wrapped in expensive, glitzy gold and silver paper.

On this day in 1965:

A Nasa computer analyst becomes the first man convicted of computer porn crimes. He claims innocence but the fact that his penis was still jammed firmly into the vending machine-sized computer when he was arrested didn't help his case. The computer was re-programmed and later went on to assist with important computations involved with putting a man on the moon in 1969.

On this day in 1966:

John Lennon's controversial comment that "The Easter Bunny means more to kids than Jesus Christ" is taken out of context and causes a furore in the United States.

Beatles records and chocolate bunnies are burned by the hutchload. Both the Easter Bunny and the Beatles eventually find their way back into the public's favour.

On this day in 1977:

The controversial Easter porn movie Hot Crossed Buns is released to mixed reviews.

On this day in 1989:

The first "12 items or less" queue is introduced at Pak'n Save.

On this day in 2006:

My first Easter-related column is published in the Herald on Sunday.

It receives poor reviews from the Christian community but a generally positive response from most ranchslider-installation companies.

On this day in 2007:

My second controversial Easter column for the Herald on Sunday is published but nobody reads it.

On this day in 2009:

I fail to file a column, as I am drunk at a licensed garden centre.

On this day in 2010:

You are reading my Easter "Today in History" timeline, but probably wish you were drunk at a licensed garden centre.