Te Radar: Shuffling saints do more than greet airport visitors

The only people more suspicious than P-smokers are the elderly. Thankfully, not only are elderly folk's rheumy eyes useful in eyeballing potential criminals, but they also tend to know useful stuff, such as where the toilets are.

This is why it seems a shame that Auckland Airport is ridding itself of a fair number of the shuffling saints known as the Bluecoats. These elderly volunteers or, as they're officially entitled, airport hospitality ambassadors have for the last 11 years tottered around the airport helping people.

So popular is this calling to serve the travelling public that the airport now claims to have an oversupply of these geriatric gatekeepers and has decided that many of the hospitality ambassadors are themselves to be shown the door.

Yet, in an era when increased airport security seems to be the order of the day, one would think that having posses of well intentioned retirees doodling around would have been considered a benefit to any self-respecting airport. The elderly can certainly provide good security. While in Russia I was once kept at bay from priceless works of art by elderly women whose job it was to sit in museums and galleries shooing people away from the art pieces.

They were oddly efficient, despite the fact that all they were armed with was the word Nyet! which they would gutturally ejaculate at anyone who had the temerity to stroll too close to the exhibits.

Surely, though, the airport had a good reason to rid itself of so many of the volunteers. Perhaps, I thought, it was their cost.

Thinking there may have been an answer to this conundrum I searched Auckland International Airport's website, hoping to find justification for the decision to rid itself of the ambassadors like so much unclaimed baggage.

There was nothing there about it, but there was a press release stating that the company's profit was $103.2 million.

Given this I couldn't believe that the Bluecoats were a financial imposition on the airport, especially considering that their services, which consist of four-hour shifts, are virtually free, as they receive only a travel allowance.

It made me suspect that although the elderly are valuable, they may just cost too much. Certainly I can see the allure for the volunteers. Shrugging themselves into the hallowed Blue Coat enables them to escape the shackles of their homes for a warm environment where they don't have to pay the electricity bill. No doubt it is also a mildly exciting place where they can feel as if their lives still have a purpose after retirement beyond simply enduring the long sitdown before the big sleep.

So, will these doddery doormen stand for the ransacking of their dignity? Or will there be a revolt, as they return regardless of being let go to continue their service? I bet they have something to declare; that they are mighty miffed. Their duty is free, but I suspect they will find their departure taxing.