KEY POINTS:
When a man loves a woman he is a good man. When he loves more than one woman he is considered an unconscionable oaf.
This archaic attitude may have to change, as it seems that today in this fair land it is not raining men. Worse, if you listen to the laments of the ladies, there are plenty of drips out there in the increasingly shallow dating pool.
Given the fact that recent Census figures prove there is a verifiable phenomenon known as the "man drought", it seems answers to the gender agenda must be sought for the benefit of the glorious women of our nation.
There is, of course, one simple answer to the canoodling conundrum, and that is not an outbreak of spontaneous gaydom among the womenfolk. Rather, it lies in polygamy.
Put simply, those of us who are Good Men should make the supreme sacrifice and offer to commit ourselves to more than one woman. If we do not, we condemn those women who cannot find a suitable spouse to a loveless life of dissatisfied spinsterhood.
For those who find the suggestion outrageous, consider this: matters are worse than even the figures suggest, because they assume that the problem is merely the numerical difference.
The truth is that of those men who are available (and indeed, some who are not, but who have been snapped up by frantic women panicked by the thought of not finding anyone better), many do not treat their women well. Thus, these men must also be deducted from the pond of eligible men, further reducing the prospects of the partnerless.
Regrettably, one drawback to polyamorous bliss could well be the flaws of women themselves, which often put paid to men's best-laid plans. If only women could stem their petty jealousies, their insecurities, and the spitefulness they show towards others of their sex, they might find that they could cohabit with each other a little better.
Naturally there will be those who reply that surely, if men want more than one wife, women should be allowed multiple husbands too. While I do not disagree, I should point out that this suggestion doesn't really help the cause of the frustrated females, and frankly, given the facts, seems a bit unpatriotic.
It isn't simply that more girls are being born. On the contrary, more boys are born, but as a gender men are more prone to mishaps of the fatal kind.
The cynical could claim that this weeds out the weak and the clumsy. No doubt it also claims a fair proportion of the flamboyant good-time guys who cause women to swoon with their derring-do. For those of us without those characteristics, it certainly helps cut down the competition.
So, to assist the nation's women, we good men should humbly offer ourselves to the females of the country. It's the least we can do.
