Te Radar: An unhealthy obsession with healthy diet

In this neo-Orwellian world of governmental dietary control that we now inhabit, it seems the Halls of Enterprise will soon reek of boiled cabbage, (although in this era of the cult of lifestyle magazines, it may be more the aroma of a gently sauteed cabbage with a manuka honey jus).

The apparatchiks of the Health Ministry, who no doubt lie sleepless at night fretting over our collective fitness, have declared that under the Health and Safety in Employment Act 1992, it may be possible to use the law, and the threat of prosecution, to force employers to control the contents of food-vending machines in their workplaces.

For the next two years, health officials will monitor what they term workplace's "nutrition environments", including canteens, and vending machines, to ascertain whether they are a danger to us, the portly populace.

This proves that it may be not only the nation's bloated bellies that need trimming, but also Health Department budgets.

After all, the perils of the vending machine could be allayed by a simple advertising campaign that says, "If the machine has nothing you want to munch, pack a cut lunch".

Or would that simple message be treating us like the morons they seem to think we are?

We are in danger of creating a nation engorged with disdain and despair at the increasingly ludicrous ideas about combating obesity that are being rammed down the gagging throats of the citizenry.

Thankfully this week, Karen Sewell of the Education Review Office said the office would not be encouraging ERO staff members to prod through schoolchildren's lunch boxes in an attempt to combat childhood obesity.

If only that kind of common sense was available to all children.

Despite American children's gut glut, an increasing number of US schools are banning any activity that involves physical contact during playtime.

Children can no longer engage in such activities as tag or touch football, as these activities are relegated to what experts call the "physical education hall of shame".

Criteria that determine whether activities fall into this category include the potential for a student to be embarrassed in front of peers, and an over-emphasis on fun.

Thankfully for these schools help is at hand. Dr Shahrad Taheri, of the University of Bristol, has suggested that a lack of sleep may also play a part in piling the kilos on to children.

This will be good news for schools at which physical activity is deemed dangerous, and for teachers who need quiet time to catch up on paperwork. They can now schedule naps and label them Health Class.

Now, if you'll excuse me, all of this thinking has made me hungry. It's time for a pie.

But what if the availability of that pastry-covered meat treat renders my workplace unsafe? I work from home, so I face a dilemma. Perhaps I should prosecute myself?