Te Radar: $12 to get very personal? Yes please

If there was one thing that the photos of the elderly folk being swabbed down and toileted by their caregivers showed, it was that being able to pay someone $12 an hour to feed, clothe and bathe you seems like very good value for money.

For some time I have wanted to maximise my efficiency by hiring a Personal Assistant. Little did I realise I could hire one so cheaply and who could assist me so personally.

If there is one thing I need it is someone to take care of the many trivial inconveniences in my life, such as scrubbing myself, without the unfortunate repercussions inherent in sexual harassment charges.

Nothing puts a damper on the day like having to appear before a glowering employment tribunal who stare disbelievingly at you as they ask the disgruntled former employee "He got you to do what?"

The images, published in Kai Tiaki Nursing, have provoked outrage from several quarters.

National's Sandra Goudie, in her role as the party's spokeswoman on senior citizens, unleashed a veritable torrent of outraged press releases.

Her anger was palpable, and rather than seeing a series of powerful and poignant images she saw Elder Abuse.

So tormented was Goudie that she worked herself into a fit of apoplectic delirium, labelling the Government hypocritical for not condemning the pictures of the elderly, as they had the publication of the Mohammed cartoons.

I hardly suspect that legions of Grey Power members will be mobilising to shuffle through the streets to torch embassies.

"It is wrong to use the decrepit to promote a pay rise!" cried the outraged. It is wrong to use the elderly as cushions I say.

Still, the photos of the frail-derly, with their ulcerated legs protruding beneath them, wizened and pockmarked, serve as a reminder to us all that our mortal flesh is all too weak.

It was a much-needed dose of reality.

Reality also invaded another arena of captivity, as bears at a zoo in Holland ate a monkey, much to the horror of onlookers, and, no doubt, the monkey.

Quite how the monkey ended up with the bears wasn't explained.

Perhaps, in an effort to boost numbers through the turnstile, the zoo took a leaf from reality television to produce a reality-based zoo experience, whereby animals are allowed to intermingle and do what comes naturally to them.

The only person who had a worse week than the monkey was the forlorn former government messenger whose misplaced loyalty contributed to the most expensive piece of photocopying in the history of this country.

He must surely be feeling as embarrassed as the Australian naval procurement people who decided to purchase a fleet of Seasprite helicopters.

One would have thought that a Navy would have procured helicopters that had the ability to operate in the dark, in mist, or, perhaps of greatest importance for naval helicopters, over water.

Not the Australians, it seems.