KEY POINTS:
Whether you are asking for a pay rise, better working conditions, training or need to raise an issue with your manager, then you are going to have to use your communication skills.
Many people aren't born with the skills to effectively convey their thoughts and negotiate well. Ending a meeting where everyone feels their views have been heard and taken into account takes patience and tact.
That's where professional mediators such as Chris Rowe are able to help; they can step in to prevent minor requests escalating into a grudge match.
But for those that just want to handle themselves better at work, Rowe has good tips to share.
As a skilled mediator, she says that when people want something, they have to learn the art of give and take - people have to give to get.
Warkworth-based Rowe has been working as a mediator since 1999 and is a Fellow of the Arbitrators' and Mediators' Institute of New Zealand and a JP.
When it comes to workplace disputes she says it is a good idea to share your thoughts with a trusted colleague before going to your manager to raise an issue.
"Hopefully, your colleagues will be able tell you if you are imagining a problem or whether it is real," she said. "So before you do anything, take time to think it through carefully - try and see all sides of the issue."
And even if your friends agree you have a genuine complaint, it is essential to plan the meeting with your manager. Rowe says each meeting should start with the three Ps. Prepare, prepare, prepare. And she is a strong believer in role play.
"That can involve rehearsing what you want to say to your manager with a friend or colleague at home," said Rowe. "Get a friend to debate the opposing point of view to yours. That way you may be able to see how other people may think and that can help you understand the bigger picture or prepare a more robust or compelling case."
She says it is only fair and reasonable that managers and colleagues be given plenty of warning about the issues or demands that are to be raised at a meeting.
If you don't, there is a risk the meeting will be cut short as the manager needs to investigate further or speak with colleagues.
"By forewarning them of what you want to talk about, they can arrive with their own thoughts prepared and it will lead to a more meaningful discussion that will hopefully improve the chances of a better outcome," said Rowe.
Hijacking managers with unexpected or inflated demands or questions won't help and doesn't lead to an open debate.
"Employers are duty-bound to treat staff fairly, reasonably and in good faith and that same responsibility applies to employees too," said Rowe.
When setting a time and date for a meeting, people need to take into account how it may affect those called on to attend.
"It is best not to plan it for a time when you know people will be very busy," Rowe said. "Sometimes it can be best to take the meeting outside the building; perhaps have it over a coffee. This is something that may be done if you want to keep the meeting away from the prying eyes of colleagues and gossip-mongers."
Rowe says many managers feel as uncomfortable as their staff when it comes to workplace confrontations. And while staff have their point of view, it is not a given that it will be shared by their managers.
"The employee's perspective on any given issue can be different from the employer's," said Rowe. "And employees need to understand that."
Active listening skills are essential in meetings.
"At mediation I have often seen the olive branch being held out by a manager but the staff member is just not listening and misses it," she said. "Taking time to listen carefully, so you can respond appropriately, is another key to good negotiations."
Rowe says staff do not have to attend meetings on their own. They can take a support person to give them confidence and to have someone back them up. But forewarn the manager in case they decide to bring their own independent witness.
"The employee's support person doesn't have to sit there as a silent witness," she said. "I have found support people can help keep the meeting on track, rein in their colleague if they go off on a tangent and provide helpful comments where necessary."
They can also take notes, freeing up the employee to debate the issue knowing their support person is writing down what is being said.
The key to negotiations is to focus on the issues, says Rowe. Be it a request for a pay rise, professional development or workplace conflicts, the employee should not allow personalities to get in the way.
"The employee may not even like their manager," said Rowe. "But they should not allow that to stop them negotiating the issues and talking it through. I advise people to make a list of the points they want to cover during negotiations."
If it is a pay rise you want, decide ahead of time how much you are looking for and be prepared to justify it. Why do you want a pay rise? Is it just because costs have gone up or because you think you are worth it?
If you want more training then have a clear case set out as to why you should get the training and how it will benefit the company. Companies want a return on their investment in you. Don't expect an employer to do something special for you unless you demonstrate equal willingness and commitment.
Rowe says her golden piece of advice for anyone going to their manager with any kind of request is that they must believe in what they are asking for.
"If you don't wholeheartedly believe that what you are asking for is fair and reasonable, then why are you asking for it?"
